Episode 15: Finding Myself After Job Loss: A Story of Resilience and Transformation

Brandon continues his life story, detailing the aftermath of being let go from Raytheon and discovering it was partly because he was a white male with "no recourse" according to insider information from a Puerto Rican colleague in management.

Please start with Episode 1. Go to my site BrandonHeld.com

• Finding a new position through his father-in-law's connection that paid 10K more but required a three-hour daily commute
• Becoming a personal trainer for a coworker, helping him lose over 100 pounds and transform his life
• Watching him fail at dating despite his physical transformation when he didn't follow his advice
• Struggling with work-life balance as the long commute created distance in his marriage
• Taking a 10K pay cut to work closer to home as a contractor for Raytheon with DSI
• Committing to rebuilding his marriage that had deteriorated to living like "strangers" or "roommates"

Chapters

• 0:00 Brandon Held - Life Is Crazy - Episode 15
• 1:09 Losing My Dream Job at Raytheon
• 2:27 Struggling to Find a New Path
• 3:55 A New Opportunity at Fort Chuca
• 6:36 Mentoring Tony and Personal Training
• 8:54 Tony's Transformation and Dating Advice
• 15:42 Career Transition to DSI
• 17:42 Balancing Career and Personal Life
• 21:27 Conclusion and Next Episode Preview

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:01

Welcome back. This is Brandon Held. Life is crazy. And we are on episode 15 at this point, which is pretty wild. Something I was trying to throw together and I'm picking up momentum in my recordings. So I'm burning through them and I'm About three quarters of the way through of what I have outlined to discuss about my life. I read now and then something pops in my mind and I say more. And sometimes I don't talk about what I had even written down because then I feel like it's not worth the time. But last time I left off with getting laid off and gut punched from my dream job, Raytheon. And I said something that you might think was a flash in a pan comment. And that was, I was let go because I was a white guy. But the truth is, the reason I think that and feel that way is because my good buddy, who was an engineer at Raytheon, who was Puerto Rican, he, and in management, he told me straight up that The higher ups were telling them hush that the first choice of people to let go were white males because they had no recourse. We couldn't sue them for any reason like other people have their reasons to sue. So I was let go due to the unfortunate circumstances that I had with supervisory stuff. And also the fact that I was white and I wasn't there that long. I was only there about three years when I was let go. And so now I was trying to find myself again, was going to be a sportscaster. That was my true original dream. That didn't work out. I spent years in Dayton, Ohio, trying to figure out what was going to be my path. I couldn't get a path there. That didn't work out. I joined the army to further my education and also see if continuing a military career was my path. And while I got my education, I did not continue a career with the military. So that didn't work out. And finally, for the first time in life, I was somewhere where I thought this is it. This is going to be my future. at Raytheon and in three years and a wife and two young sons and a brand new home that I had bought. Now I found myself unemployed and I just didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know where that was going to take me. I was trying to apply for jobs in other positions. I was trying to get back on my feet as quick as possible. on my own because I had done everything else in my life on my own to get to where I was. That for the first time in my life, I had to rely on someone else to help me out and help me get there. And now I had a father-in-law who was a retired CW five and served 38 years in the military. And he was a GS 13 government employee. And he took my resume and gave it to someone that he knew was a contractor down at Fort Huachuca. She liked my resume, brought me in for an interview. And I went to Fort Huachuca for an interview for a new contractor position. And it went really well. The guy that interviewed me asked me questions. It went pretty smoothly. I just got the sense that the way the interview went and the way everything went, I was going to get the job. At the end, he asked me about my financial expectations and what I had made at my previous job. And so I told him. And then when the interview ended, he just said, hey, can I give you a piece of advice? And I said, yeah, absolutely. He said, if anyone ever asks you what you made before, don't tell them. You don't ever have to tell someone. what your previous salary was. If they ask for salary expectations, you can give an expectation of what you think you should make or would like to make, but don't tell people what you made before. And I thanked him for that piece of advice. And I went on and the next day or two, I received a job offer and I was happy with it. It was about 10K over what I was making at Raytheon. So I was excited about not only rebounding, but rebounding with a higher salary. And outside of the fact that at Raytheon I had a 980 schedule, which meant every other weekend was a three-day weekend, and I was 10, 15 minutes from home, now I had to drive three hours a day, and it was five days a week. And there was no... There was no such thing as working from home or remote in this position. And there was no Fridays off or anything like that. So it was a grind. No doubt it was a grind. You get tired of being in the car for three hours every single day. But I took this job and I initially started in a business analyst role. And it was a pretty easy role. There wasn't... Honestly, much day-to-day work to do. I started working with a guy, and his name was Tony. Tony was a little green under the thumb. He had a lot left to learn in life still. He was in his early 30s. He still lived with his mother. And he had not had a serious girlfriend or serious relationship yet in his life. He was overweight. He was working towards a PhD. As a matter of fact, he had all the classes done for his PhD. He just didn't have his thesis done, nor was he even doing anything to work on it, he admitted openly. So he was a thesis away from having a PhD, but he had so much to learn in life. And he was only about Six, seven years younger than I was. And I just took him under my wing. I just could tell he needed like some proper male guidance in his life. He didn't have a father. I didn't have a father. But I had much, lived much more of a life than he had. And I just wanted to take him in. And he saw that during my lunch breaks, I was going across the street to the gym and I was working out. when I would talk about my workouts and stuff with them when I returned. And this was pretty much right away when I started working there. And he was heavy and he said, hey, I was thinking about trying to lose weight and get in shape. Do you think you can help me out? And I said, I used to be a personal trainer. I definitely could help you. I said, I could give you some tips and you can go over there and you can go at it and you can do it. Or you can pay me. Like I'm a personal trainer for say three sessions a week, but I'll train you five days a week. I'll train you Monday through Friday. And so he agreed with that. He thought that was a good deal. And then I also told him, you have to eat what I tell you to eat. Your diet has to be healthy. What I tell you to eat, you can't eat whatever you want anymore. You have to follow my diet. And this is a requirement for me to train you. If you don't do this, I'm not going to train you because we'll just be wasting our time at the gym. And so he also agreed to that. And so within about eight, nine months, he had been so structured in his training and his diet and the way he ate, his eating lifestyle, he had, he lost a hundred pounds, I think over a hundred pounds. People were starting to comment how he looked too skinny, emaciated, whatever. But that was just because he was a smaller guy. He was a shorter guy and he was severely overweight when he started. So people weren't seeing him the way he was, the way he looked. at that point was probably what I would consider a quote-unquote normal weight. So we went from there and then from there we tried to build him back up muscle-wise. So we had done a lot of cardio and sprints and things like that to help him drop the weight. And now that he had dropped the weight, it was time to make him strong and muscular. We spent a few months doing that. It didn't take long to get his muscles back to where they were starting to pop out a little bit and show, I would say another four or five months later, he was looking good. He looked muscular. He looked completely like a new human being. And of course, this doesn't only affect the way you look, but it affects the way you feel and how people treat you, which of course also affects the way you feel. And he was telling me one day he met this beautiful girl somewhere out. She was Russian. He approached her. He asked her out and she agreed. And when he showed me the picture of her, I was just, I couldn't believe my eyes. Here was this, this guy who I just met 14 months ago in 15 months ago, whatever it was at that time. And he couldn't even get a girlfriend, any girlfriend. Now he's got the nerves and courage to ask out this beautiful girl and she agreed. And so he was very inexperienced with dating and he was discussing the date with me, of course, looking to me for guidance and advice and asking him what he should do. And I was trying to explain to him, like, whatever you don't be cheap. And he is cheap. He was openly admittedly cheap. But think about this. He lived with his mother and he didn't have any real bills in life. And he probably made close to a six figure salary or maybe a six figure salary. I don't know what he made, but he had money and he had money to burn. And I said, whatever you do when you take this girl out, don't be cheap. Oh, I don't want her to like me for my money. I want her to like me for me. And I said, listen, man, she doesn't know whether you do or whether you don't have money. You asked her out. She knows nothing about you. Girls like that, when they meet, men are going to spend money on them. They're going to take care of them. You cannot be cheap. If it's one date, you're trying to impress her. take her out and spend some money. And he was like, I'll think about it. I'll think about it. And then they go out and they have the date and he comes back for me after the week with me after the weekend to work. And he tells me about the date and he said, I said, how did it go? And he said, oh, I took her out and just, I don't know. It didn't work out. And I've been trying to Get in touch with her since then and get her to go out with me again. And she's just not interested. And I said, what happened? Were you cheap? Like I told you to. And he just smiled and laughed. I said, cheap, like I told you not to. And he said, we were out. I took her to the mall. I took her shopping and she wanted me to buy like this little$30 toy for her daughter. And I didn't want to buy it. I don't know her daughter. It's our first date. I said, Tony, it was 100% a test to see what kind of man you are, to see how kind you are, to see how caring and giving you are. And you completely failed. And yeah, she wanted nothing to do with him. And Pete lost his shot just like that. So we continued to work together and we continued to work out together. And yeah, he was steadily improving. My job was changing at NCI a little bit. I went from working as a business analyst to helping with some finance stuff directly in the office, right under the vice president. Her name was Debbie Godwin, who I loved very much. She was amazing and awesome. And I really loved working for her. She was an incredible mentor and person. And we didn't see each other as much once I moved there. But during that time he ended up meeting a girl and getting a girlfriend and she wasn't as attractive as the girl he took out. She was pretty average girl. And but that relationship took off and he was thankful for that. He was thankful for me. He would express his appreciation and thankfulness to me for changing his life and helping him find a serious relationship. And he eventually did marry that girl. And ironically enough, that girl made him stop using me as a personal trainer. And it's fine. I don't train people cause I intend to train them forever. And I didn't even plan on being a personal trainer. and doing my day job but this just happened to fit and work out and I enjoy doing it because I do enjoy how it changes someone's life and their personality and it's a rewarding job it's not a great paying job but it's a rewarding job being a personal trainer that was great I was happy to have that effect on his life and I'm sure he'll never forget me for that we don't really aren't in touch anymore. We stayed in touch for a while, for a few years. We just drifted apart. Life goes on. So yeah, after about three years being at NCI, I figured it was time to, you know, it just wasn't satisfying me. The pay was good. I had gotten a couple pay raises. I was making 20K more than I was making at Raytheon. But the drive, the three hours a day in the car, five days a week, only having Saturday and Sunday off was really starting to wear on me again. And so I started applying for other jobs back up in Tucson so I wouldn't have to drive so far and hopefully I could be closer to home. And eventually I found one with a company called DSI. And I did go to an interview with them and the interview went super well. The interview went so well that they led on to me like, oh, we're also looking for an operations manager. We think you'll be a great fit. I didn't apply or wasn't going in to interview for the operations manager. I was interviewing for another position. It went so well, they were upselling me on a better position. And I was like, oh yeah, that would be great. That would be fantastic. That's my professional life. And so eventually I did get the job offer to work at DSI, who happened to end up being a contractor for Raytheon. So I would be going back to Raytheon, working on site at Raytheon in their buildings, but not as a Raytheon employee this time, but as a contractor for DSI who had a contract with Raytheon. And I'll get back to that, but my personal life was obviously taking a bit of a toll. I was living in a part of town that was part of Tucson that was on the outskirts. And my wife at the time wanted to take my kids to a preschool. And she had a specific preschool in mind that was in the nicer part of town. But it was like 45 minutes away, one way in a complete opposite direction of the direction I went for work and stuff. And it was no big deal while I was commuting because I would leave it 6 a.m. and I wouldn't get home till 6 p.m. But it was taking a toll on our relationship as well, just because I was barely home. And when I got home during the week, I was exhausted, tired from the full day of work, from the driving. And I was into video games. And there was a video game called Gears of War that I was insanely into. And so I would come home and I would be like, let me decompress. And I would want to go play some Gears of War. And by the time I played Gears, Two or three hours of Gears of War, it was time to go to sleep and start all over again. And then on the weekends, she wanted to be in the other side of town, the part of town where my kids went to school because she had befriended other moms and other kids for my sons to play with. And I just didn't want to deal with that. I didn't want to do that because I was in a car for months. three hours a day, five days a week. And I wanted to relax on the weekend. I didn't want to be making long drives and be out all day. First of all, it's just not the way I am as a person. And second of all, under those circumstances, it was much worse. So we weren't really seeing each other much and our relationship was drifting apart as they tend to do with people when they have kids and they don't nurture it. That's where we were. To pick up from the career part from there, I took the new role at DSI. So I was going to eliminate the commute, which meant I was not only going to be home earlier and more often, also I would now get every other Friday off because my schedule would follow right beyond schedule because I was a contractor for them and If they weren't going to be there on a Friday, there was no point for me to be there on a Friday every other weekend. And so that's when we decided, all right, we need to try to put this thing together again. We need to try to reconnect and have a good marriage again, not only for us, but for our boys. They deserve that. And we don't want to live as strangers. We don't want to live as roommates. And so we also focused on that. Those were the two things that had changed significantly in my life at that time. Oh, and also I took a little bit of a pay cut to take the job with DSI, but it was a trade-off. I took about a 10 K pay cut, but it was a trade-off to the lack of commuting. It was still 10 K more than I was making. at Raytheon but it was 10k less than I was making with NCI but without the three hour drive I felt like it was worth it and I wanted to take it and I wanted to do it and so this is a little bit of a shorter episode but I'm going to stop this episode here and I will pick up the next episode with starting my new career at DSI and the changes that came along with that. So thanks for joining. I'll talk to you next time.