Episode 32: The Power of Self-Awareness

Self-awareness is the key to unlocking your potential and improving relationships, allowing you to see yourself clearly through reflection and understanding how you impact others. Both internal self-awareness (understanding your inner world) and external self-awareness (understanding how others perceive you) are crucial for personal growth and breaking free from autopilot living.

• Emotional self-awareness helps recognize your feelings and how they influence your actions
• Without emotional awareness, we're often hijacked by feelings, leading to reactive behavior
• Social awareness involves understanding how you come across to others and your impact on group dynamics
• Lack of social awareness leads to misunderstandings when we think we're being direct while others perceive us as insensitive
• Relationship self-awareness helps identify patterns, triggers, and communication styles in our connections
• Understanding attachment styles and personal patterns can transform recurring relationship challenges
• Self-awareness is a continuous practice requiring courage, curiosity, and compassion

Visit brandonheld.com to receive a free starter learning course with practical tools for building a better life. Book a free 15-20 minute initial consultation to discuss your goals, or explore 30 and 60-minute virtual coaching sessions tailored to your needs. Group coaching sessions are available when at least 10 people sign up.

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Self-Awareness
• 4:47 Understanding Emotional Self-Awareness
• 7:11 Developing Social Awareness
• 10:11 Exploring Relationship Self-Awareness
• 14:46 Call to Action and Resources

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hey there, welcome back to Brandon Held. Life is crazy the podcast. It's great to have you here with me today and, as always, I appreciate you listening to my podcast in mindfulness and purpose coaching, helping overwhelmed individuals find clarity and direction in their professional careers and personal lives. Today we're diving into a topic that's absolutely fundamental to everything we do, yet often overlooked self-awareness. I see this in life and on TV all the time.

Speaker 1: 0:45

The lack of self-awareness in people can be almost unbelievable to me at times. What if the key to unlocking your potential, improving your relationships and navigating this crazy life with more ease isn't some external secret, but just the role that self-awareness, or a lack thereof, can make in your life? I remember a time early in my life and career when I would feel stressed and reactive. I did what everyone else tends to do. I thought that everyone else was the problem. I didn't understand that my behavior, both body language and the way I talked to people, were causing me problems. I always viewed myself as a bluntly honest and genuinely nice person. Nice person Turns out. My tone and my voice, my body language and the words I would use would just make other people feel quite the opposite, and that realization was a game changer for me and it's why I'm so passionate about this topic today. So let's explore the power of self-awareness together.

Speaker 1: 2:07

So what exactly is self-awareness? Simply put, it's the ability to see yourself clearly and objectively, through reflection and introspection, in a way, understanding the way that other people see you way. Understanding the way that other people see you. It's about understanding who you are and how you feel, and why you do the things you do and how you impact others. Think of it like turning a flashlight inward. Without it, we're often stumbling around the dark, reacting to life based on ingrained habits and unconscious biases. With self-awareness, we can start to see the landscape of our inner world our values, passions, strengths, weaknesses, thoughts, emotions and behaviors. Why is this so crucial? Because you can't change what you don't acknowledge. Because you can't change what you don't acknowledge, you may say I like myself, I don't want to change, and I would challenge you to ask who do you know? That is perfect. Self-awareness is the foundation for personal growth, better decision-making, stronger relationships and, ultimately, a more purposeful and fulfilling life. It helps us break free from autopilot and start living with intention.

Speaker 1: 3:32

There are generally two main types of self-awareness Internal self-awareness, which is about understanding your inner world, your values, passions, aspirations, emotions, thoughts, strengths and weaknesses. And external self-awareness, which is about understanding how other people perceive you. You can fight that, like I used to, but the lack of concern for other people's perception of you will cause you problems both in your personal and professional life. So today we'll touch on both as we explore three key areas emotional, social and relationship self-awareness. Now let's start with the emotional self-awareness.

Speaker 1: 4:23

Now let's start with the emotional self-awareness. This is the ability to recognize your own emotions and understand how they affect your thoughts and behaviors. It's knowing what you're feeling, why you're feeling it and how those feelings are influencing your actions and decisions. This is huge. When we lack emotional self-awareness, we're often hijacked by our feelings. We might lash out in anger without understanding the underlying frustration or fear, we might make impulsive decisions driven by anxiety or excitement and we might withdraw from others because of sadness we haven't acknowledged.

Speaker 1: 5:07

I recall a time in the army when I was having problems with difficult leadership. I didn't care for them and I didn't say those words out loud, but it was clear to them by my tone and body language that I didn't like or respect them. Those facts didn't change to this day. But if I would have been more self-aware that I was portraying these feelings to them, I could have adjusted my tone and body language, which would have made my life in the army much easier. Developing emotional self-awareness allows you to manage stressful situations more effectively, make more rational decisions and communicate your needs more clearly. It's the difference between being controlled by your emotions and learning how to work with them and maybe adjust them if you recognize you are part of the problem. Here's a quick exercise you can try anytime. Just pause for a moment, take a deep breath. Ask yourself what emotion am I feeling right now? Name it. Is it frustration, joy, sadness, boredom? Then ask where do I feel this emotion in my body? Is there tightness in your chest, a knot in your stomach, warmth in your face? Just notice without judgment. This simple check-in practiced regularly builds your emotional vocabulary and awareness.

Speaker 1: 6:42

Next, let's talk about social awareness, which is closely related to external self-awareness. This is about understanding how you come across to other people and how your behavior impacts them. It involves paying attention to social cues, understanding different perspectives and recognizing your role in group dynamics. Someone high in social self-awareness can walk into a room and get a good read on the emotional climate. They understand how their words and actions land on others. This is crucial for building empathy, navigating social situations effectively, collaborating well in teams and leading others successfully. Conversely, a lack of social self-awareness can lead to misunderstandings, conflict and damaged relationships, which we might think we're being direct and honest, while others perceive us as blunt and insensitive. Direct and honest while others perceive us as blunt and insensitive. Or we might think we're being helpful, while others feel we're micromanaging, condescending or showing a lack of trust in them.

Speaker 1: 7:55

When I was working at Raytheon almost 20 years ago, a manager at Raytheon was telling me my communication style was causing people to not understand me. Once the shock passed and I wanted to adjust what I was doing wrong and be better, I had to find out exactly what I was doing. Wrong. Turned out, I was so by the book that I didn't appear to have empathy in difficult situations and wasn't showing the flexibility that others wanted me to have. This knowledge was really helpful to me and I worked hard to adjust and I noticed I was being treated differently after that in a good way. I'd carried the notion that, due to my position, people just didn't care for quote unquote information and process that I shared with them, but that wasn't what they were having issues with. It was me. My tone, my delivery and showing a lap of empathy was causing the problems.

Speaker 1: 9:05

Okay, moving on, here's a quick exercise for social self-awareness. Think about a recent difficult interaction you had recently. Try to replay it briefly in your mind, but this time actively. Try to see it from the other person's perspective. What might they have been thinking or feeling? What were their goals or concerns in that interaction? This practice of perspective talking, or this practice of perspective taking, builds empathy and social understanding.

Speaker 1: 9:48

Finally, let's touch upon relationship self-awareness. This involves understanding your own patterns, needs, needs, triggers and communication styles within the context of your relationships, whether romantic, familial friendships or professional connections. Why is this important? Because our relationships are often where our deepest patterns and blind spots play out. Without self-awareness, we might find ourselves repeating the same conflicts, falling into the same unhealthy dynamics or struggling to connect authentically with others. Relationship self-awareness helps us understand things like that. What are my core needs in a relationship? What triggers strong emotional reactions in me during conflict? What are my typical communication patterns? Am I passive, aggressive, condescending or assertive? How do my past experiences influence my current relationship behaviors? For me, a big insight came when I learned about attachment theory. Understanding my own attachment style helped me recognize certain patterns and how I approached intimacy and conflict in my relationships. It wasn't about blaming myself or my partner, but about understanding the underlying dynamics that were often operating unconsciously. This awareness allowed me to communicate my needs more clearly and respond to challenges in a healthier, more conscious way.

Speaker 1: 11:31

Here's a quick reflection for relationship self-awareness. Think about your significant relationships, past or present. Is there one recurring pattern or dynamic that seems to show up repeatedly? Maybe it's a specific type of argument, a particular role you tend to play or a certain feeling that often arises. Just identify one pattern without judgment. Acknowledging the pattern is the first step toward understanding and potentially changing it. Maybe you consistently feel like you have a high moral ground.

Speaker 1: 12:10

Maybe and this is a big one you were raised to believe certain things, and other people have different beliefs. Most people assume their beliefs are the quote-unquote beliefs, but that's not necessarily true. People can have different values and beliefs than you and that doesn't make anyone right or wrong. That just means you have a different point of view and that's okay. Obviously, some things matter more than others means you have a different point of view, and that's okay. Obviously, some things matter more than others and you have to decide what is a belief or value that is non-negotiable for you and what are those. You can have different views and still have a relationship. For example, some people they have to have the same political point of view for their friends, for their loved ones, whatever. For me, that's ridiculous and should have minimal impact on your relationship. Now, that's my point of view. That doesn't make me right or wrong, just makes me who I am. Obviously, people with relationships with me cannot feel strongly about an issue like political issue, unless we just happen to align. So think about things like that of self-awareness Emotional self-awareness, understanding your inner feelings, social self-awareness, understanding how you impact others and relationship self-awareness, understanding your patterns in connection.

Speaker 1: 13:51

Developing self-awareness isn't a one-time event. It's a continuous practice, a journey of ongoing discovery and understanding. It requires courage to look inward honestly, curiosity to explore your patterns and compassion for what you find, but the rewards are immense Greater emotional regulation, improved decision making, greater emotional regulation, improved decision making, deeper empathy, healthier relationships and a stronger sense of purpose. This journey is something I can help you understand better as a mindfulness and purpose coach Through mindfulness practices, targeted questioning and supportive guidance. I can help you cultivate that inner flashlight illuminating the path towards clarity, direction and meaningful change. If you're feeling overwhelmed, stuck or disconnected from your purpose, enhancing your self-awareness is often the most powerful starting point.

Speaker 1: 14:57

If you're ready to embark on this journey with dedicated support, I invite you to visit my website, brandonheldcom. There you can receive my free starter learning course, which offers practical tools to begin building your better life. You can also book a free 15 to 20 minute initial consultation with me. It's a no obligation chat. We can discuss your goals and see if my coaching approach is the right one for you. For those ready to dive deeper, I offer both 30 and 60 minute virtual video coaching sessions tailored to your unique needs. Coaching sessions tailored to your unique needs. And remember, if you're interested in a community learning environment, I will offer group coaching sessions when at least 10 people sign up A great, affordable way to grow together.

Speaker 1: 15:51

Life is crazy, yes, but the more self-aware we become, the better equipped we are to navigate its complexities with intention, resilience and grace. Start your journey today. Even small steps towards greater self-understanding can lead to profound shifts. Thank you for joining me on Life is Crazy. Until next time. Stay mindful and live purposefully. If you found value in today's episode on self-awareness, please subscribe to. Life is Crazy. Wherever you listen to podcasts, your support helps reach more people. Don't forget to visit BrandonHellcom for your free starter course and more resources on mindfulness, purpose and self-discovery.