.png)
Brandon Held - Life is Crazy
This podcast is designed to help with suicide prevention. That is the #1 goal! This is also a Podcast of perseverance, self-help, self-Improvement, becoming a better person, making it through struggles and not only surviving, but thriving! In this Podcast the first 25 episodes detail my life's downs and ups. A story that shows you can overcome poverty, abusive environments, drug and alcoholic environments, difficult bosses, being laid-off from work, losing your family, and being on the brink of suicide. Listen and find a place to share life stories and experiences. Allow everyone to learn from each other to reinforce our place in this world. To grow and be better people and help build a better more understanding society.
The early podcast episodes are a story of the journey of my life. The start from poor, drug and alcohol stricken life, to choices that lead to success. Discusses my own suicide ideations and attempt that I struggled with for most of my life. Being raised by essentially only my mother with good intentions, but didn't know how to teach me to be a man. About learning life's lessons and how to become a man on this journey and sharing those lessons and experiences with others whom hopefully can benefit from my successes and failures.
Hosting guests who have overcome suicide attempts/suicide ideations/trauma/hardships/difficult situations to fight through it, rise up, and live their best life. Real life stories to help others that are going through difficult times or stuck without a path forward, understand and learn there is a path forward.
Want to be a guest on Brandon Held - Life is Crazy? Send Brandon Held a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/brandonheld
Brandon Held - Life is Crazy
Episode 40: Life Really Is Crazy: A Deep Dive with Mr. Whiskey
Mr. Whiskey shares his journey from a chaotic childhood with controlling parents to finding purpose through military service and helping others overcome similar struggles.
• Growing up in a household filled with emotional abuse, domestic violence, and weaponized religion
• How controlling parents micromanaged every aspect of life, from basic skills to friendships
• Shocking story of father's violence toward mother during their honeymoon
• Father's progressive alcoholism following retirement from law enforcement and grandmother's death
• Military service as both an escape and formative experience in developing resilience
• Finding purpose through suicide prevention work after witnessing high rates in military settings
• Creating boundaries with family members while pursuing speaking, podcasting, and advocacy
• Building an online resource hub to help others navigate similar challenges
Find Mr. Whiskey at coupleONukes.com for podcast episodes, speaking information, and resources on suicide prevention, addiction recovery, faith, and more.
Follow me at Instagram - BH_Life_Is_Crazy
BrandonHeld.com iPad drawing for Life Coaching clients
Welcome. Welcome back to Brandon Held. Life is Crazy. Thank you all for joining me again today. I'm very excited about today's show. I have my buddy, mr Whiskey, here and, for those of you that don't know, I was already on Mr Whiskey's podcast and he let me tell my story a high overarching view of my story on his podcast, and I really appreciated that. But he also has a pretty great story to tell himself, or many like me, and so we're going to get into some of those stories together today on this show. Mr Whiskey, welcome to my show. How are you doing today?
Speaker 1:I'm doing great. Thank you so much for having, as always, humility and gratitude first For those of you listening, not watching. I want to be thematic with Mr Held here. So I got the blue, energy, purple, brick, neon aesthetic going and at the time of this recording it is close to Memorial Day weekend and the show is Life is Crazy. So I got Abraham Lincoln riding a shark shirtless on myself right now in honor of that. And yeah, as Mr Held mentioned, he was on my podcast, as you can see here. He paid me in $2 bills to come be on his show that I've got here. So he paid me very generously to come on his show and talk about how life is crazy.
Speaker 2:Oh, so you brought jokes. Okay, all right, I got you. I can get some jokes too. I just didn't come prepared, so that's cool. Yeah, this won't be on video. We are recording it on zoom, but I don't really typically show my podcast.
Speaker 1:Those of you using your mind's powers, your mind's eye, to visualize what's going on here. Yeah, yeah. So what happened is actually I am wearing a cowboy hat, right? So most of y'all probably didn't know that until now and it's stuffed on the inside with $2 bills, and that is actually where I keep those $2 bills that I just pulled out to make that joke.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm wearing an eyepatch as well. I was going to say you can't forget the eyepatch.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's not standard.
Speaker 2:That is a recent endeavor.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't call it an endeavor, a recent happening, and it's part of yeah you want to talk about. Life is Crazy, the eyepatch stories. It's not one that's going to be aired publicly, I don't think, unless anything ever happens with it. So we'll just say I have an eyepatch and, as people like to say, I've got a creature that will destroy the world hiding underneath it. So I keep it closed at all times.
Speaker 2:So there you have it, whiskey already bringing his personality into the show, coming in hot, all right. All right, let's just talk about you're a navy veteran. Everyone knows pretty much I'm an air force and army veteran. You'd list yourself as a speaker, a podcaster, a preacher, a comedian and an author, and that's just that's a lot, man. So tell us a little bit about your story, your background.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. So the comedian doesn't need to be spoken for. We already established that part. But the the speaking, the writing, the podcasting, that came later in life, post-military, and then, of course, the military journey, like you mentioned, us Navy veteran, I was an electrician's mate, nuclear operator. No, I didn't blow stuff up. No, I can't blow up your ex-boyfriend's house. I actually just did reactor safety, steam demand, electrical supplies, mechanical stuff, chemical stuff and a whole lot. Actually my resume at one point was 10 pages long, before I compacted it down a little bit. But yeah, I actually was originally Air Force.
Speaker 1:The day before I signed out, the recruiter pulled a ha ha, look at this, you're not going to be photojournalism. You're going to be doing, you're going to be a cryptolinguist and you're going to learn another language and fly around and translate and intercept enemy messages and potential threats. And I said that's not photojournalism at all. That is entirely different. That is not what I signed up for and I confronted him. We had a conversation where he said no, no, no, I didn't guarantee it. He said he guaranteed it. He said, yeah, you want to be a photojournalist, got you, air Force has you. But then he said I said potentially you could be if the availability lined up. And suddenly all these words that had never been said before came out into the open. Thanks to the power of not having signed a contract yet, I was able to say no, I'm not going to do Air Force. And he said are you sure there's a lot of other jobs if you don't want to be a cryptolinguist? I said, ok, you know what? Sure, oh look. And I found out every job you could imagine civilian sides in the military mailman store, clerk, pest control, janitor, construction, everything Right. The military is just another version of the civilian world to a degree.
Speaker 1:Parents were not happy with that. Pest control man, construction man, they said. Unless you take that number one job, you dishonored a family, we're gonna cut you off. Like, you are too smart to not accept the greatest opportunity always presented to you, which I disagree with that. Time and again in my life I have learned that lesson. Just because you are qualified for an opportunity doesn't mean it's always the best one for you. It may be the shiniest one in public and that's what my parents wanted to fulfill and satisfy their own pride. They didn't really have friends or family to tell, but just this personal pride of my son's, a nuclear operator in the Navy or, in this case prior, a cryptolinguist in the Air Force. Nothing, it always had to be the best of the best right.
Speaker 1:The reason I didn't do college was one they didn't really properly educate me on college and so they kind of just put forward the military and they told me that community college quote was for minorities and ignorant people and bums and poor people and that I was way overqualified and outclassed to go to community college and figure stuff out later on in life, and so that kind of they kept pushing me right. Originally, I was going to the Coast Guard Academy was where I was set, before the Air Force. That's what they wanted. It was their dream. I really didn't want to do it and eventually at some point even though I grew up in a controlling home where I didn't even know to think independently when I got my first job as an ice cream salesman and I started interacting with customers, they would say, hey, so are you going to college? I would say, no, I'm going to the Coast Guard Academy.
Speaker 1:I went to these summer programs and my parents know people in government and they want me to do it. And they would say well, what do you want to do? He said me, I don't really have a choice. They said well, look once, you're going to be an adult, you're an adult. Unfortunately that didn't really work out because COVID happened at the same exact time and the working world disappeared. So there was no college because I wasn't ready for it, and the working world disappeared. So after the Air Force, my mom said you're going. Navy went for photojournalism and then last minute they said there is no photojournalism, tired of the military doing that to me. So I said all right, went for underwater welding right before I signed a contract at the ASVAB. They said you're a nuke. They said it's the best of the best, biggest bonus, best benefits outside this, and that my parents said ooh, shiny, shiny, shiny, ended up a nuclear operator and the rest is history. And I'll pause there for some reflection.
Speaker 2:Now that's it. There's a hundred directions. I could go with that story. I mean so many things. I got screwed by my Air Force recruiter too. I wanted to be law enforcement.
Speaker 2:He put me as a security specialist promised me it was the exact same thing and it absolutely was not. So I cannot cross rate at any time. Never believe that? No, so I, instead of being actual law enforcement officer, I was guarding nuclear missiles, which was not what I signed up for. So I definitely identify with that. And so I'm going to steer away from the military a little bit, because we spent a lot of time talking military on your podcast.
Speaker 2:So, in an effort to make them different podcasts, but equally as exciting. You're talking about the overbearingness of your parents, right? You're talking about the overbearingness of your parents, right? And a lot of what gets me is so. I didn't have overbearing mother high school six months early and joining the Air Force at 17, seven months before my 18th birthday. It just required her to sign a piece of paper saying she was cool with it and that's all it was. She did that, no decision on her part, no influence on her part. It was just you go do what you got to do to make life work. On her part, it was just you go do what you got to do to make life work.
Speaker 2:And so I have come across people in life ex-wives, stuff like that who have parents like yours, super, overbearing, super, even though you're an adult or whatever, like they have your mind so brainwashed, if you will, that you don't believe you can make your own decisions or do the things you want to do with your own life, because you're so used to your parents guiding you and forcing you to do what they want you to do. So let's talk about that. So you say you come from a home full of chaos, emotional, verbal abuse, substance addiction, domestic violence, absurd religious weaponization. So tell me all about that. Tell me how that stuff happened while you were growing up. Tell me how they used religion against you as a weapon. Let's hear the story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, because I'll get into a lot of things that people wouldn't believe. In fact, I had a whole episode dedicated to this, highlighting a guest story Arnold Vegas spelled B-E-E-K-E-S, which was interesting, on independent and conformity, and one of the things we talked about is when you grow up in that environment, you don't even think of rebelling, sometimes depending on your outside influences. My outside influences were very limited by my parents and we'll get into that. So, to start, my parents' marriage was not good. Now, a lot of what I'm going to say today I did not know until the most recent years of my life. So, growing up, there was a lot of stuff that happened that the reasoning behind it was not known to me. There was a lot of stuff that happened that the reasoning behind it was not known to me. So my father came in at a time in my mother's life when she was very broken. She had gotten a terrible divorce and court battles over the kids. Her first set of kids and my father came swooping in seemed like this cool, strong, smart guy.
Speaker 1:Night and shining honor, yeah, yeah, actually he was kind of like a raging delinquent criminal on steroids who was dressed as a cop to appease his mother because he was very unnervingly close with his mother and she wanted a traditional Catholic, irish, italian police officer son. And he was always a punk from a kid though he was violent, aggressive, dangerous, always causing trouble. Almost lost his job as a police officer from association, hanging out with so many druggy girls and strippers and harlots and racing Thunderbirds and Mustangs and everything else in Hellcats. But he showed up and my mom met him as police officer, tall, muscular, smart, went to college, turns out, I found out he paid his way through college, just paid everyone to do everything for him, took these whack classes respectfully to those classes that make zero sense for my father of all people to take. He took classes out as like I don't know, just like this macho, aggressive criminal guy and he takes flower painting classes, not that masculine men can't do feminine things, but it was like very contrary to his personality as well as his whole demeanor. But yeah, he gets with my mom. Everything seems great. It's called love bombing, presents very certain character and then disappears and he establishes control and no fear over her life.
Speaker 1:They go on a honeymoon to Aruba and he punches her a single punch with so much power they said he could be on par with Mike Tyson-like figures. Broke her whole skull open on the left side in an exact point where there would be no outward bleeding, no broken nose and no eye injury. Like he made a perfect, medically educated attack, martial arts based to break and cave the whole inside of her left skull open without killing her, without causing outward evidence, and he had her cover any bruising that did show with her hair over her eye. She was trapped in aruba, didn't know anyone right, so she just stays with him there. His version of why it happened he has admitted to it after these years. There's a lot of evidence for it. Half my mom's face is made on metal. His story is very different than my mom's story. Now I'll give that real quick. My dad said my mom forced him to go horseback riding on the beach and and he hates horses and he hates them so much they made him so angry he punched her in the face.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's okay then Her story, yeah I don't like horses too much either, but that's the whole. Thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, Now my mom's story that he tried picking up this lesbian couple at the nightclub while he was drunk and they went and flirted with him, and the fact that he couldn't convert them even though he's this godsend because his name does mean gift from God and his mother instilled that in him a lot made him so mad and then when my mother confronted him for trying to pick up a lesbian couple on their honeymoon, he broke her face open. Her story makes a lot more sense given my dad's history and other stuff in my life that we probably won't get to. But he does hate horses. I will say he hates them with a burning passion and I have seen him threaten to shoot a horse in the head with a shotgun, like he does really hate horses.
Speaker 1:So it could have been the horses and the lesbians got him double enraged. Well, it could have been the horses and the lesbians got him double enraged. Well, I mean, lesbian couple day is a bad day. Horse day is a bad day, both at the same time. Now you're having the worst day, no, matter.
Speaker 2:What's true?
Speaker 1:neither one is a good excuse Either way, not justified at all.
Speaker 2:Like the fact that he thinks the whole horse thing is even an excuse that he can't give, just tells you how delusional he is. And I use the term delusional because the way you describe his mother raising him and the way she made him think, it's pretty clear he was delusional.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm sure, if this is the start, I'm sure I know you're mr held, but I need you to hold on for the time being so fast forward. He wants a son and he divorces previous wife for not having kids with him. Turns out my mother met his first wife and she said yeah, I refuse to have kids because he's a maniac and you should never procreate. Interesting story. Luckily, mr Whiskey is not a maniac, as far as I know.
Speaker 2:Not yet.
Speaker 1:But fast forward. My mom has me, supposedly the night of my birth, after cutting my umbilical cord. My dad leaves and he goes and cheats on my mom. But pause, he said he was going to name me damien because satan and the legion were saying that I was the antichrist and part of their army and they wanted me to be named Damien. And he resisted and struggled with wicked principalities all night and ultimately named me Mr Whiskey instead of Damien.
Speaker 1:And yeah, so from my origin story you can see that from the minute I was born there was some battles between heaven and hell over me, quite literally. And yeah, my dad disappears, cheats with this woman he met at the gym, a specialized medical dental surgeon, not a hygienist, very different and she begs to take me away and to have my father leave my mother, to the point that she offers $250,000, not in $2 bills, in regular bills to leave and take me and raise me as her own, and that she would get a wet nurse and everything. My dad says no, no, I refuse. I don't know why he refused. He said that he felt like it would be wrong for me to not be raised with my proper mother and so he turned down one of the loves of his life because she had blonde hair, which is why people who know me know that I can't stand blonde hair. My whole life my father just harped on it so much that it made me repulsed by it.
Speaker 2:I still respect blonde heart harped on that story, or harped on the fact that in his.
Speaker 1:So he is a misogynist and a pervert and sexist and all that and he's very sexually focused and thinking as we'll get into later on in life. But yeah, his attraction to blondes was so strong and my desire to not be like him. Subconsciously it made me and I've dated blonde haired women Don't get me wrong, they're amazing people, nothing wrong with them. But subconsciously for a long time, especially my youth, it was just an association. Subconsciously I've gotten rid of it to a degree. But subconsciously for a long time, especially in my youth, it was just an association. Subconsciously I've gotten rid of it to a degree. But there are certain styles of blonde haired women that remind me very much of my dad's mistresses or his life. That is like hard to get over, which is an interesting thing, I know, and unfair to those women. But yeah, it gets better. This woman decides okay, since you are not gonna leave your wife and let me raise you and your child. She takes off into the sunset with another man which at the time of the story, when my father told me, I had no idea who this man was. But now I know who he is Joe Rogan. I actually know who that is now.
Speaker 1:At the time of the story, my dad's just like my mistress, ran off into the sunset with Joe Rogan. He's a bald-headed, fat son of a XYZ and later in life, when I became a podcaster, I found out who Joe Rogan was and I was like, oh, that's funny. Well, found out who Joe Rogan was, and I was like, oh, that's funny. Well, that made the story so much better. It could be true my dad and Joe Rogan are around the same age. But yeah, fast forward. From there my younger sister is born. My younger sister essentially quote was raped into my mother from my father. She didn't want to have any more kids. She ended up having six total plus my miscarried twin, which would have been seven, so that's a lot of kids. She ended up having six total plus my miscarried twin, which would have been seven, so that's a lot of kids.
Speaker 1:And growing up my dad was a police officer, worked rotating shift work. It was a tough life and he saw the worst of the world. He saw the worst of people and, with his social anxiety already and knowing what he was capable of and what these criminals he arrested and dealt with were capable of, he grew very afraid to let us into the world, paranoid. And one of the stories I always tell is that I came off of the submarine, went home with my buddies who we lived together, served together, and they were like Mr Whiskey, can you go ahead and start the stove for dinner and this and that? And I said I don't know how to. They're like what do you mean? I said I've never been allowed to, it's too dangerous. And they're like you just operated a nuclear reactor on a submarine.
Speaker 1:You were in charge of the whole electrical supply of the submarine, as well as hot steam demand that could kill people and you don't know how to use the stove. I said no Growing up. My father said that was too dangerous. My mother said they can't shoot gum, they'll choke on it and die or this and that Like you're not allowed to leave that house.
Speaker 1:So there was a lot of control in levels like that. Even the fact that, like my father picked my friends and enemies for me If he had arrested someone's parent or believed that kid was a juvenile delinquent or trouble, not to mention my father was also racist and xenophobic. A lot of my friendships got cut off and I was hated by a lot of people in my town just because my father was a cop, and this was before the whole all cops or XYZ, before the really hating cops movements. This was during a time where people did call my father a pig and stuff like that, but I would get hate just for being his son and a lot of law enforcement. I'm not sure if you did the same practice will actually be a cop, not in the town that they raised their family in, just for safety and privacy. I know it's not always possible, depending on state laws and like your commute and all that, but that is something I know they recommend.
Speaker 1:But between that and then my father and mother's relationship always worsening these kids, she grew to resent my father and us kids and I know she'll say she loves us. But she wanted to be a Marine. She wanted to be quote the real life Wonder Woman in Elektra. She had a perfect gunmanship score when she tried joining the Marines Perfect score, you know. Instead she ended up a stay at home mom, her first marriage. She found out that her husband was gay and was sleeping with men in their house. She caught him with another man's you know what in him and so that's why that ended. And he had three kids with her, to appease his parents and be like I'm not gay. I had three kids. So first husband used her to make kids. Second husband, my father also just used her to appease his parents and be like I'm not gay. I had three kids. So first husband used her to make kids.
Speaker 1:Second husband, my father also just used her to make kids to show his mother look, I'm a Catholic, irish, italian cop and I've got a wife who's smart and stays home and I've got the three kids. He didn't want that, he wanted to be a party animal. He likes the idea of having kids because he you know what he's called me, his cake batter, his pottery. The idea of having kids because he you know what he's called me, his cake batter, his pottery, the fruit of his loins. He believes that his seeds should be spread all over the world to make an empire.
Speaker 1:But he doesn't actually like raising kids. He doesn't like responsibilities. You know how I know. Only one time did he ever get left alone with me where he had to change my diaper as a kid and he drove down the street to his best friend's house and had his best friend's wife change my diaper because he said he would not be reduced to such a person. Now, mr Held, you're a father. I think you understood. Fatherhood is like. There's no shame in being a father. I pass it off to you for that part.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, so many things come to mind when you're talking about your father. Well, I talk about not knowing my father, not having a father, and I'm not foreign to this concept I'm about to speak of, because I did have a stepfather and he was an awful man, but fortunately he didn't have any control over me. That was one thing my mother did right was she separated us kids from my stepdad because she knew he was abusive and all that.
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so she was like you're not going to touch my kids, and if he ever tried to come at us or anything, she literally would dive between us and protect us with her body. So she did do that. And the whole point I'm driving at is when people say oh, I feel so sorry for you that you didn't know your dad. From what I understand, my dad was very much like what you're describing your dad to be. And I say, yeah, I'm better off without him. I don't need that kind of person in my life and I didn't. I had a stepdad like dad. I didn't need him in my life, that's for sure. But so I feel for you on so many levels and your mom, your poor mom. I feel for her. The fact that she never felt the strength or the fact that she could leave, just yeah, the same thing I hate that excuse that I stayed with him for you kids?
Speaker 1:I hate that for you kids because I have expressed how the traumatic childhood compared to being raised by a single mother two very different things. And she believes that, oh, you would have been worse off without a father but, like you said, in this situation, being exposed to a household where there was always yelling and screaming. And then my mother has a lot of issues as well. She has very twisted views of the world because she did not have a good relationship with her parents obviously with my father and with her ex-husband and so it really changed everything for her as well. And there's a lot of stuff that she did as well that was controlling and abusive. I remember one time I'll never forget this she threatened to murder and kill my one pet in front of me. Granted, it was just a hermit crab, but a child's pet is a child's pet. I mean, I have a list. It's not healthy, I know, but I have a list. It's not healthy, I know, but I have a written list of everything my mother has said to me that is abusive, because I was a kid and I was like I'm tracking all of this and I have a list of every insult ever, everything. My mom gave a whole speech about how I would die alone a lazy bum full of regrets that no one would. The funniest thing is when she found out that I was a writer and I wanted to pursue writing as a kid, she was like no one will ever want to hear your story. No one will ever want to hear anything. You had to say. You'll never write and sell or publish a good book, no woman will ever love a man who writes or shares stories, and that you'll die alone. Haven't you been lonely enough? You're an outcast fashion wise. You're an outcast music wise. You're just an outcast in general. And I remember the one time I was suicidal and we had a lot of issues that summer, my mother just treated it as a joke, like what are you going to do? Kill yourself? Do it? Laughed it off, and it's funny how strangers I know have cared more about me in those dark times than my own mother. And so I don't get along with my mother. I do actually get along with my father nowadays when he is sober.
Speaker 1:I've learned and I've guested on a lot of podcasts about emotional boundary setting. I used to let my father just walk all over my life because I was the only one taking care of him and he endangered me. He endangered people I cared about and that is no longer the case. The last few birthdays I've had I had to cancel because he did not stay sober. For me to go see him I had to abandon him. This past Thanksgiving which really broke my heart to do he was running down the street after the car and it was actually one of the times I've cried this year was my father's alcoholism, which we'll get into that whole journey, but the progression of it was very emotional and mental and this past Thanksgiving was the first time it was physical and I saw him and he was like 100 pounds lighter and actually seeing it because for years I've heard it, I know how it affects him to actually see it deteriorating his body, to see a man who was so healthy and strong, who used to make fun of alcoholics saying look how skinny that guy's gotten to be in that position. It was really heartbreaking.
Speaker 1:But yeah, part of the drinking was being a police officer. We already know that law enforcement and military first responders have a much higher rate and likelihood of being addicted or having substance abuse. My father's alcoholism was partially social anxiety and work and paranoia, but additionally to sleep. Because of his insomnia, because of the rotating shift work, he started drinking alcohol to sleep to be able to fulfill his duties as a police officer, which obviously the healthy option we know is if you cannot fulfill your duty without substance abuse, then you need to step down and reevaluate that. And that's not to say it's over forever, but definitely you need to reevaluate that you shouldn't be armed as a police officer responding to suicide calls, to first aid, first responder, casualty calls, to whatever else, while intoxicated or high, whatever it may be, to any degree at all. Right, I mean as a law enforcement.
Speaker 1:Mr Held, I'm sure you completely understand that how dangerous it can be, and it's not just his life but the lives of others. Imagine driving under influence is so dangerous. He's in a police car going 110, 120 doing highway chases. That is extremely dangerous. And so it began to progress and freshman year of high school, the same exact time, he retired. Retirement is one of the pivotal moments in military and in law enforcement. He did 25 years. When you do that full 20, 20 plus and you retire, everything changes and most first responders and military members die within two years of retirement if they do not fix their identity, purpose and hobbies. At the same exact time as this pivotal moment, his mother I've already spoken about how close he was with her saw her every day, his entire life she lived down the street from us passed away, and so between retirement and her passing, that is where my life of chaos truly starts. That is where everything just went several layers deeper into the chaos.
Speaker 2:I don't know how that could be where I started, and it sounded pretty chaotic even before that.
Speaker 2:But yeah. So that actually reminds me of a story. My grandmother passed about two years ago and she was the key figure of female prominence in my life, the only one I could ever count on honestly life, the only one I could ever count on honestly. And so when she passed it was really hard for me, but I recognized that I was really lucky because I was 50 years old. My grandma lived to be 92. So that's a long time to have your grandmother around.
Speaker 2:But I have an uncle that's five years younger than I am and, like I've said, my family are all alcoholics, drug addicts to some degree. They go in and out of it a little bit like my brother and my sister, but ultimately they cave, they lose, they end up going back to it. And when my grandmother passed, my uncle drank himself so badly that he ended up paralyzing himself. Nobody knows what happened actually physically, or how it happened, or whatever, but he was drinking so much, so heavily. He now is confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life or laying in bed, and he was prior to that, you know, perfectly normal and healthy to physical degree. But psychological, mental degree is a totally different story. Yeah, yeah. So the story you're telling about your dad. It makes me think of that, and it makes me think of just how alcoholism can just really overtake people, and I have many, many stories of family members that I could discuss that about. But so your parents are divorced based off of this. No, no, yes and no, it's a complicated story.
Speaker 1:So what I will say also is when that happened, my father expressed that his mother was not human, almost that she should have never died, that she was a different being.
Speaker 1:And my grandmother was a sweet woman. It happened when I was 13 going, yeah, I was 13, right, so I had just started, I had just learned how to ride a bike and I just started visiting her by myself, getting that alone time, and so it. I knew my grandmother to a pretty good degree, but not too much. But what I did know was that, like she got, she was told 10 years prior to this happening that she had some polyps in her colon. To get them cut out, I could develop the cancer. Yep, she never told anyone, never went back. She said forget that, I don't want to do that. Got cancer later on. She didn't want to fight it, she said.
Speaker 1:And she spoke to me and she said look, mr Whiskey, I've got like 30 grandkids. I've got four, five kids that I've raised, seen them all grow up. My husband's been dead for so a year after I was born, my younger sister was born. In like the same day or slash week that she was born, my grandfather passed away. So my dad already had a complicated relationship with my sister because his father passed away. The same time she was born, my grandfather passed away. So my dad already had a complicated relationship with my sister because his father passed away the same time she was born and so my grandmother said he's been gone for 12 years.
Speaker 1:At that point she goes I'm ready to just go. I've lived a peaceful, good life and she was only 72 maybe at the time and everyone forced her to get like chemo and stuff and she kept saying I don't want to. And when she lost her hair and got sicker and sicker she said this is just worse, just let me go. And I remember she actually like cut the tubes going into her body and the doctors were surprised she didn't die because they said the way the one tube was and she cut it. An air bubble could have gotten into her blood circulation, but she, you know, she wanted to pass away, she was ready to say goodbye.
Speaker 1:And they made it worse because she got so sick that she fell and broke her hip and got bedridden. And if she had just let the cancer run its course. This is an interesting conversation piece on its own, which is do we respect someone's wish to no longer live or do we force them to live?
Speaker 2:Let's talk about that.
Speaker 2:So you witnessed that firsthand, right? Yeah, I have always, always thought this topic is so dumb, like, in the sense that if someone no longer wants to be on this earth, right, especially if you're an old person who's at the end of your life and you feel like I've lived the life I'm going to live, it's time for me to say goodbye. Who are we to stop them? Right, I understand why younger people going through a suicidal moment you would want to get them through that because, yeah, you can come out the other side, you can still live a great life and all that. You're a witness to that, I'm a witness to that. But when you are older and you want to call it a life, absolutely you should have the right to do that, and I'm sorry for anyone that doesn't agree with me, but to me and I'm sorry for anyone that doesn't agree with me, but to me that's just simple common sense. It's respect for someone who knows where they're at in life and what they want to do. So I would love to hear your take on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's interesting, it always gets brought up the side parallel conversation of pet owners whose pets are suffering but they keep getting them fixed just enough to keep living, but they're still suffering because they don't want to put down their dog or their cats. Not comparing humans and animals, but same kind of concept that gets brought up in the same conversation. And for me, I respected my grandmother's wishes If she felt like she had fully lived life and she said the Lord is calling me home and she would say I see grandpa on the hill waving at me telling me it's time. I'll respect that.
Speaker 1:One of the things that I do talk about a lot with my grandmother's death that infuriates me is while she was still alive and she was in the living room in the hospital bed, my aunts started going through her other rooms and taking stuff and claiming stuff and stealing paperwork and signing their name and changing stuff, and to me that is so truly disrespectful.
Speaker 1:She's in the bed in the other room, not even passed away yet, and you are just pilfering through her stuff without her permission. If she said y'all, my daughters, get what you want, now let me know. No, this was oh, she can't stop us. That is just despicable that is truly despicable to me, that you would take advantage of a person like that. What I will say, though, is what do we do in the case of someone is unable to express their desire to die or live, aka they're in a coma, they're in a vegetable state. For me, at that point, I would keep them around for an extended period of time, based on certain conversations and really knowing the person, but I think that's a different scenario than when they're actively alive and saying I've lived my life narrow than when they're actively alive and saying I've lived my life.
Speaker 2:What you said there was key is knowing that person right, Because I've made it clear to all my friends or all my family and loved ones that if I ever end up in a vegetative state, pull that fucking plug. I don't want to live like that. I'm already struggling with at being almost 52 and not being as physically capable as I used to be. I used to be a four sport athlete, very fit. I could bench press 400 pounds two years ago. I can't do that right at the moment and that's a struggle for me. Poor Brandon, he can't bench press 400 pounds anymore. It's not just about that, it's the day-to-day life. Yeah, the decline, the pain that you feel and the displeasure from just having aches and pains that you didn't have before. And God, I'm only 52. So imagine what my 92 year old grandma was going through.
Speaker 2:So, I totally respect that when people understand and realize it's the end for them. Okay, let's talk about. You got out of that situation, you joined the Navy and then you did your time in the Navy. I don't want to spend too much time on the Navy, but where were you stationed at the Navy and what was like one really significant event to you that really stands out for your time in the Navy?
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. Stationed originally in. I call it Goose Creek. It's called Goose Creek, south Carolina, right near Charleston. That was for the schooling and training, and then after that in Newport News, virginia, the greatest place on all of earth for anyone who knows that area Very run down area, very dangerous area. Right the gas station, right outside my barracks room. Shoot sailors. They would shoot Marines, they would rob people. They shot a Marine 12 times just to get his wallet right. So not a good area. Longest refueling overhaul in history.
Speaker 1:As much as the military is a part of my life, that I definitely, as I expressed to you when you were on my show, having been two years now, just a few days ago at the time of this recording in my episode, reflecting on it's been two years now what I spoke about, how that chapter is officially closed. The first two years outside of the military, adjusting to civilian life, memories are still pretty fresh, figuring things out, and now it's like I'm moving on, and the thing, though, is, at the same time, there's so much of my character and so many lessons I learned from the military that would just not be the same if I hadn't gone through them, and so when you talk about the most significant thing. There's a lot that comes to mind. The biggest way it's influenced my life, I would say, has to be suicide prevention and awareness. That wasn't something that I really was a part of prior to that. I had my own suicidal ideation battle, especially in high school, but it wasn't something that I really worked with others on In the military. Two things played a factor into me getting more involved with that, the first being like in boot camp I talked about. My first encounter with a suicidal shipmate was in boot camp. Not only was he suicidal but he was homicidal, and so I had to make a tough executive decision to figure out and assess the situation and report it. There have been times in the military where one of the biggest things I talk about, the most difficult struggle in the military for me, was the morality battle of do you report it or not.
Speaker 1:The military is very different in reporting a case of suicide. It can completely change a person's life. It can get them separated, it can get their rate changed. It can affect their dependence. It can affect everything Civilian life. If you go to the hospital, sometimes your employer doesn't even know, and if they know, it might not be grounds for termination In the military. It can get you taken off of your job, sometimes permanently. It can get you out of the military, which is not just a career but a lifestyle for that person. It could completely change your financial situation.
Speaker 1:And it's so hard in the military, especially even just with a lot of the younger generations and dark humor and morbid curiosity, all that to make that judgment call if they are being serious or not. You never know when someone's joking I just had a guest on my show the other day thought someone was joking and then they took their life. So you never know and you're supposed to, by military standard, treat all cases as if they are 100% going to happen. So I had a lot of conflicts and a lot of conversations with shipmates where they were suicidal.
Speaker 1:I hate to say I stopped suicides myself because I don't like taking credit for it, but there are a lot of suicides that were going to happen where I intervened and not all of them were involved reporting, because sometimes people just go through the ebbs and flows of life, like as much as I'll say, ironically and unironically, life is crazy, life is chaotic and it's sometimes.
Speaker 1:You just go through these dark patches and you're fine. Like you said, a young person who wants to take their life. It might just be a part of their life. That's a few days, a few weeks, a few months, and then they spend the rest of their life happy and never even think about it again. So, with one to three suicides a month at that base and my ship setting their record for it, that was one aspect where I was surrounded by a lot of conversations on suicide prevention awareness, on mental health, where some people I know personally almost took their lives, and then a lot of my exes, women that I've been involved with, because I attract very broken women, or maybe I'm attracted to very broken women.
Speaker 2:Maybe it's both.
Speaker 1:It is to be determined.
Speaker 2:We don't want to get the psychology behind who your mom is. Yeah, my dating life is a whole episode of its own.
Speaker 1:It could be a whole podcast of its own. So what I'll say is a lot of them had been hospitalized for suicide. A lot of them had. I had conversations with them on suicide. So it was left and right war on two fronts, both flanks, conversations on suicide prevention and awareness, and that's something I brought with me through the podcasting, through the speaking I spoke at a conference in Chicago not too long ago on addressing suicide with comedy for specific audiences that need that or are receptive to that. I just applied the other day to speak at several conferences on suicide prevention and awareness.
Speaker 1:So that's probably the most the biggest thing that ties back to the military, that is involved with my life every single day. Yeah, sometimes I'll say, hoo-yah, bravo, zulu, I'm going to go use the head. Sometimes I talk to some of the people I met, but again, like you and I talk, there are, yeah, the brotherhood, the camaraderie, the sisterhood, all that. My best friends obviously are from the military, but I could have made best friends in the civilian world as well. I think, if I had not gone to the military, where I could have still made best friends and all that, I don't think I would have gotten involved into suicide prevention and awareness.
Speaker 1:Because I just wasn't going to be put into that environment in the way that I was through the military. It still happens civilian side, but not to the degree that there's one to three a month. Obviously, suicides happen every day, but not right where I'm living, if that makes sense.
Speaker 2:No, it all makes sense. And, having been through it right, my army drill sergeant said something that has all. He said several things actually that resonated with me, that I still remember. But one of the things he said is he stood up in front of our platoon and told everyone the reason you are all here, every single one of you, is because you're running from something, is because you're running from something. And that really resonated with me because I know the first time I joined the Air Force, I was running from my family and my childhood.
Speaker 2:The second time, when I joined the Army, I was running from a toxic relationship that I couldn't break free from, and so I actually started asking around fellow soldiers and I couldn't find anyone that was the opposite, that could just say no, I'm just here because I wanted to be in the military.
Speaker 2:Pretty much everybody was running from something, and the reason I bring that up is and I'm sure you know this as well is military and suicide is almost like a chicken and an egg thing, right, like everybody that's joining the military not a hundred percent, because nothing's a hundred percent, but most people that are joining the military are broken to some degree already from the life that they've had the child, that they've had the childhood, whatever the reason is right, and then you throw them into an environment where, literally, life is expendable. You're expendable, life is expendable. That's what we are in the military. We're an expendable life for our country. So when you put those two together, obviously people start to feel like their life is expendable. I never felt my first suicidal ideation, thought nothing until I was in the military. That was the first time that ever happened to me, and so I've done a lot of research on this and thought about this internally and so, yeah, it's definitely the it's a cocktail.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's the cocktail of who the person already is and what the military makes you feel and believe about yourself. And, yeah, definitely, suicide prevention is something that we have to do and focus on with military people. Now, having said that, I only spent eight years in the military and I spent the rest of my life outside of the military, in the corporate world, and I only made one good friend in the corporate world and I have several still good friends from my Air Force days and my Army days, so I do think there's a camaraderie there you just can't find anywhere else and respectfully though we could say, chicken egg kind of question is the civilian world that is not allowing those friendships, or is it post-military Brandon Held?
Speaker 1:that is the issue, right. So that's another thing to look at too. I'm not accusing you of being rough around the edges, and civilians are not getting along with you, but that's another thing too. Is it the civilian world structure itself, or is it a? Veteran in a civilian world, because there are people who never went into the military and have always been in a civilian world who have a lot of civilian best friends. So maybe the angle is that veterans in a civilian world can't get the same camaraderie because, they have false expectations.
Speaker 2:It's. Maybe it's just connection. It's the way you connect with people, right? When you're in the military you're with each other eat, sleep, shit, work, whether you like it or not, that you might talk to about personal life outside of work. But it's still not the same connection when you're bonded, like you're bonded in the military. That's been my experience. I'm not sitting here saying that's the whole world's experience, I'm just talking about my experience.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and trauma definitely plays a role into it. Not just time, obviously, time plays a huge part into camaraderie and brotherhood and sisterhood, but also trauma, right, because you could have a friend who's been with you through just some really serious situations but known them for a shorter time compared to a friend who's been with you a longer time but you're just not connected with them as much on a personal level. And tying that back into the military, especially with people you're deployed with, you go through some traumatic stuff together, but even just short horse side, you deal with some situations that civilians don't, that only you and that military group have gone through. That is traumatically bonding y'all together.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's true, man. So I I think we should wrap this up here. We could talk for hours and hours. We could probably be on each other's podcast six times and never talk about the same thing. Let's give people a chance to know how they can reach you and where they can reach you.
Speaker 1:Yeah for sure. So couple o nukescom is the best way. So that's couple o, as in Oscar nukescom, that's nukes n? U k? Es.
Speaker 1:And I always put forward my website because it has everything you need. It has my show number one, couple of Nukes, the podcast. It has my speaking engagements, it has every show I've ever been on, it has my biography, my contact, but, most importantly, it is a plethora of resources. It has every episode of my show categorized to easily find whatever you want to improve your life in. It has a fitness section, addiction section, suicide prevention section. It has military. It has Vietnam, it has the military broken up into the specific branches. It has finances, career leadership, parenting, relationships, faith, right. All designed so that you can easily find it. Because you can go find my show on Apple, on Spotify, on Amazon, right. You're just going to get the list of episodes Maybe not every one is for you.
Speaker 1:So I put forward my website, coupleofnewscom, because you can go easily search through the categories. I have every guest who's ever been on my show, their picture, their links and all their resources, every guest who's ever been on my show, their picture, their links and all their resources. I've got other stuff on my website, such as abortion alternatives, resource support guides. I've got some information about a ministry I'm trying to start a gala I plan on hosting. I've got discounted products and services, and so it has everything involved with Couple of Nukes, from the speaking to the comedy, to the podcast itself, to writing and resources.
Speaker 1:It's meant to serve as a connection hub, to build an online community and to provide resources so that anyone can go there and take something away from it, and hopefully I like to encourage anyone to add to it if they'd like to reach out to me via my email, my social medias, whatever it may be to partner up, whether that's guesting on a couple of new podcasts, whether it's having me speak at a conference, whether it's you speaking at one of my events, co-authoring a book together, or just you have good resources and you're asking me to put them on my website. Like the whole point is that I call my show. It is a tool for God to use to reach people at the right time, the right place, so I don't worry about who listens, when, where or why. I know that God is going to bring the resources to the right people at the right time, including this conversation.
Speaker 2:There you go, mr Whiskey, and his Swiss army knife of a website, yeah, so I want to thank you for being on my show today. I appreciate your insight and you sharing your stories with my audience, and I want to remind my audience that I also have a website, brandon heldcom. I don't have quite the diverse selection that Mr Whiskey does, but you can definitely go there to catch my podcast and on my podcast page you can subscribe and show me a little love and support the podcast by subscribing to the podcast. It's purely donational, meaning you can decide if you want to give three bucks a month or 20 bucks a month. Whatever you're capable of doing is what is appreciated. I also have life coaching on there and I have a blog. I have my Instagram, bh__life__is__crazy. Mr Whiskey and I follow each other on there. I also have a YouTube. If you just type in Brandon Held on YouTube, you'll find my YouTube channel.
Speaker 2:And finally, if you're listening to this podcast somewhere other than my website where it's not possible to rate, please rate it. Give it a five-star rating if you think it's five stars. If you don't think it's five stars, reach out to me. Let me know why. I relish feedback, both good and bad. I want to hear the good stuff you like. I want to hear the bad things that you think could be better, because I can't improve, I can't get better, I can't make a better podcast for you if you don't tell me what it is you're looking for, that I'm not providing you. So thanks again for joining me and until next time, have a good one.
