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Brandon Held - Life is Crazy
I Host 2 Podcasts. Life Is Crazy and The Buckeye Battle Cry Show. The Life Is Crazy podcast is designed to help with suicide prevention. That is the #1 goal! This is also a Podcast of perseverance, self-help, self-Improvement, becoming a better person, making it through struggles and not only surviving, but thriving! In this Podcast the first 25 episodes detail my life's downs and ups. A story that shows you can overcome poverty, abusive environments, drug and alcoholic environments, difficult bosses, being laid-off from work, losing your family, and being on the brink of suicide. Listen and find a place to share life stories and experiences. Allow everyone to learn from each other to reinforce our place in this world. To grow and be better people and help build a better more understanding society.
The early podcast episodes are a story of the journey of my life. The start from poor, drug and alcohol stricken life, to choices that lead to success. Discusses my own suicide ideations and attempt that I struggled with for most of my life. Being raised by essentially only my mother with good intentions, but didn't know how to teach me to be a man. About learning life's lessons and how to become a man on this journey and sharing those lessons and experiences with others whom hopefully can benefit from my successes and failures.
Hosting guests who have overcome suicide attempts/suicide ideations/trauma/hardships/difficult situations to fight through it, rise up, and live their best life. Real life stories to help others that are going through difficult times or stuck without a path forward, understand and learn there is a path forward.
The Buckeye Battle Cry Show is a weekly show about the greatest sport in the world, college football, and specializing in discussing the greatest team in the world, THE Ohio State Buckeyes,
Want to be a guest on Brandon Held - Life is Crazy? Send Brandon Held a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/brandonheld
Brandon Held - Life is Crazy
Episode 58: Life after learning the truth about your birth with Noah May
Developed by a team of Practitioners, men's health scientists, neuroscientists and peak performers. MNLY harnesses the power of blood analysis, machine learning, and AI to evaluate data from four essential components: Biological, Environmental, Nutritional, and Clinical analysis. By leveraging this advanced technology, we develop precise, evidence-based solutions that are tailored uniquely to each individual.
https://www.getmnly.com/
Noah May shares his extraordinary origin story as someone conceived through sexual assault when a stranger broke into his mother's home in 2001, and how discovering this truth at age 19 has shaped his identity and outlook on life.
• Living with his mother and grandparents in rural Alabama while believing his grandfather was his father until age 12-13
• Coming to terms with never knowing his biological father's identity as the assault case went cold
• Experiencing clinical depression beginning at age 13 that comes in unpredictable waves
• Dealing with bullying about his higher-pitched voice and appearance during school years
• Developing anxiety during senior year that manifested physically and impacted his education
• Finding value in therapy despite accessibility challenges due to cost and virtual limitations
• Learning that openness about mental health struggles brings relief and healing
Find Noah on Instagram and TikTok @LethalVenomPodcast and check out his podcast wherever you listen to podcasts.
For more life stories, visit BrandonHeld.com and subscribe for $10/month to receive exclusive episodes. Follow Brandon on Instagram @bh_lifeiscrazy and YouTube at BrandonHeld_LifeIsCrazy.
Want to be a guest on Brandon Held - Life is Crazy? Send Brandon Held a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/brandonheld
Their supplements have been developed by a team of Practitioners, men's health scientists, neuroscientists and peak performers. MNLY harnesses the power of blood analysis, machine learning, and AI to evaluate data from four essential components: Biological, Environmental, Nutritional, and Clinical analysis. By leveraging this advanced technology, they develop precise, evidence-based solutions that are tailored uniquely to each individual.
https://www.getmnly.com/
Welcome. Welcome back to Brandon Held. Life is Crazy and today I have a special guest who I already appeared on his podcast, and when I was on his podcast, going through my life story, he revealed something pretty significant that happened in his life and he said it was the first time he had ever talked about it publicly. And right there, in that moment, I knew I had to have him on my podcast so we could talk about it. His name is Noah May and he has a broadcasting degree in journalism and he also has his own podcast, lethal Venom, as I previously discussed. How are you doing today, noah?
Speaker 2:I'm doing good. Thank you for having me on the show. I hope you're doing well as well.
Speaker 1:Doing great, always doing great Life is good. Doing great, always doing great Life is good. Yeah, let the cat out of the bag a little bit. What's going on and why we're doing this podcast, amongst other things? This is, life is crazy. So we talk life story and yours hasn't been a long one yet, because you are what? 24 years old, 23. 23 years old yeah, so it's a shorter life compared to me, 52 years old, but what you have to tell is a pretty significant story and I think we can spend just a significant amount of time just in your childhood and growing up and what that was like. So let's just let the cat right out of the bag. Let everyone know the unfortunate story of how you were brought into this world.
Speaker 2:So I grew up in a small farm town in Alabama, from the northeast part, up in country land, country land, and I was brought in not the typical fashion way that most kids, probably in the early 2000s, were brought up. My mom lived on her own in 2001. She lived in her own place about an hour from where my home is, and one night she'd come home and had accidentally left the key in the door and a random man had come in her house initially, was going to break in and, I think, just try to rob the place, but he didn't notice that there was a woman that lived there by herself and so he took it upon himself to sexually assault her as well as break into the home. And that's how I was brought up. My mom got pregnant from it. She had a. She had to basically do the pregnancy all on her own. She had to move back in with her parents at the time and then, once I was born, I was brought up in not the typical household. I stayed with my mom all the time. I did stay with my grandparents, since my mom was still living with her parents.
Speaker 2:After the whole incident had happened, the police did an investigation on the sexual assault. They didn't come up with anything. By the time they had come and were able to assess everything, he was long gone. To this day we've not known who he was. He's still a mystery to us all. I've not personally asked my mom about if she knew a name or anything. She remembered from just past experience that she did not know him prior to the incident. It was a random man that came in, had no experience, had no run-in with him before, and the case went cold. They didn't really have any leads on him. Nothing really broke, so it's been a case that has never been solved is what it's come out to be. That's how I was brought up, but other than that childhood was pretty good. Other's how I was brought up, but other than that, childhood was pretty good.
Speaker 1:Other than how I was brought in here all right, yeah, we'll break the rest of that down, but let's spend more time on this subject. First of all, how old were you when you learned that this was the way you were conceived?
Speaker 2:I didn't know that I was conceived until let's see, I had questions when I was around 12 or 13. I would say some kids at my school had brought up to the attention of why don't you not have a dad? And I always thought that my grandfather was my dad, and my grandmother at the time and my mom were both trying to put in my head when I was a little baby to not call him dad, calling him granddad or papa, and it was something that my brain couldn't grasp, and so I was having trouble trying to grasp that concept and they just finally just let it go because they gave up. They're like we're having so much hard time doing it. So about 12 or 13 is when I first had suspicions that my dad was actually not my dad.
Speaker 2:Some kids had made fun of me for it which shocker, I lived in Alabama. We make fun of everything, but that was how I first got brought into it. And then, when I was probably 19, my mom had sat me down and she finally just spilled everything to me that she had mentioned that she was actually married before. She had actually had a previous marriage. That was a happy one, and then, probably a few months or maybe a year before the incident happened, she got a divorce because her ex-husband had gotten into drugs. At this point they lived up in the farmland mountain top it was more commonly known as where Hicks lived. That's where she was and that's where his family lived. And his family started doing selling drugs and she was like I'm not going to be wrapped up in that, I'm not being married to someone that has drugs rule them. So she got a divorce and she told me that and I didn't know that until I was 19.
Speaker 2:That was always kept a secret. And then she told me about my father, who my real father was, and then told me about how I always would call my grandfather dad and I still call him daddy because it's just so hard to break. And it's a funny story. When I was in eighth grade we went on a class trip. I went on to Six Flags over Georgia. I went over to Atlanta for a trip and a coach thought that my grandfather was my mom's husband and my mom was like no, that's not my husband, that's my dad. And the teacher got really embarrassed and it was funny. So that was another sign that I knew oh, not my dad. It was that funny moment.
Speaker 1:So you were. You were in the eighth grade and you knew your mom was your mom and you knew your grandma was your grandma. But you didn't know your grandpa wasn't your dad. You thought he was your dad. You didn't know your grandma and grandpa were together. You didn't know your grandma and grandpa were together.
Speaker 2:I knew they were together, but I just never my mind was.
Speaker 1:I was so used to calling him dad it just felt weird calling him granddad, because I just never and to this day it's still. That's just how I address him. Well, it's not the addressing of it. The addressing of it it's the thought process that this guy's married to your grandma, but you also think he's your father when your mom is your mom and your grandma is your grandma. You understand yeah, it's.
Speaker 2:It's so warped. But to me, to outside people, I don't know if it's a southern thing.
Speaker 1:We're weird down here, we're known for the incest stuff which by the way.
Speaker 2:that's true. That's not a rumor, that's facts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, my first marriage is to a woman from Tennessee and I've heard some stories, so yeah, I definitely know.
Speaker 2:So to other people out there that don't live or have a Southern lifestyle might find that strange, but to me that's just how we live. That's just how we live, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, fair enough. So she just let the cat out of the bag on everything when you turned 19, just kind of like lifted the dump truck up and dumped it all on you. All right, when you were growing up, did you feel like before your friends started asking about your father and stuff like that? Did you ever feel like something was missing? Or did you feel whole as a child, like you had your family and everything was good?
Speaker 2:No, back then I was more whole. Now I look back and see and notice that there were so many things that I had missed out on. There's so many things that I wish that I would have been able to do. I never would hunt, which I was always a thing for animals. At that point If I saw like a turtle or like a cockroach I'd be like I'll be like devastated. But yeah, fishing was another thing that I missed out on, which my grandfather taught me about it and he would teach me that. But then there are other things like having, like the sex talk. I just have not had anyone to talk to about it, because that's so weird talking to your mom about it when she don't know half the stuff, and then it's also weird talking to your mom about it when she don't know half the stuff, and then it's also weird talking to your grandfather about it. So there was multiple things that I had missed out on. That I look back at now as I really wish I would have had that, but as a child I didn't really think of it.
Speaker 2:I had a happy childhood. My grandparents were happy, my mom was happy. I just spent life out in the country. I would always go outside. I had a swing set and a trampoline growing up. We had a pool and every summer I would go out there and just play and once I got older I went down to the lake because we had a lake that was on our property and I would always go down there and I would always watch TV. I was a huge TV watcher, kid watcher my parents hated it, but I always would watch SpongeBob and still do.
Speaker 1:Spongebob is horrible for your brain by the way. They did studies on that and it's a really bad show for kids. But anyway, all right, so you weren't feeling like something was missing, which is good. No-transcript take a big enough interest in you than it is just to not have anyone at all, because it's just easier if they're not there. At least that's how I felt about it. How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2:I've had moments and people have asked me they're like would you want to know who your dad is? That's always been the question that flip-flops. It just really depends on my mood and when you ask me. There have been times where I've wanted to know who he is and have a conversation with him, and then there's been other times where I'd want to shoot him and probably hit him. It's just, it's always been a question that kind of flips back and forth about do I want to see him, do I not?
Speaker 1:Would you like my advice? Yes, I would 100% say do some type of DNA test and find your family tree and find your lineage, because even if your dad is a real piece of shit, like mine was, that doesn't mean the rest of his family is right and you could have more family out there waiting for you. That's a blessing and that are great. And then also you could just find out what happened to this guy. You can find out. That's 50% of your health genetics that you're completely missing. And once you get older and your health starts coming into play, knowing all that information is helpful. It's very beneficial for you. So I would recommend you at least find out who your family is, even if you don't exactly find out who that man is. That's just my personal opinion.
Speaker 2:Funny fact I actually did a 23andMe test when I was in high school and the only thing I learned from that was I was 100% European.
Speaker 2:Now I don't know where they got that, because the only thing that I can find is that I have some red in my hair. That might explain it, but the accent definitely did not come from there, Because I expected when I did the 23andMe result, oh, I'd get to find out my family. They lie about what they do. It was more of a here's people that share the same ID or DNA with you that have done it. So, until someone in your family does it, you won't find out. And I thought well, that was a waste of time.
Speaker 1:It was and money.
Speaker 2:The only thing I found out of that was I was 100% European.
Speaker 1:And that's why I've never done a 23 in me, because it would be cool to go back in time to find out who my lineage is. If none of my family's done it, then it doesn't matter. It's a waste of time and money. So I'm sure at some point they'll have something more advanced with a larger database, maybe even based off of what law enforcement or the government has who knows, off of what law enforcement or the government has who knows? But if there's ever a way to find out, that'd be great for you for all the other reasons that I suggested. So when you became 19 and things got a little bit turned on their head for you, you were still able to go to college, get your bachelor's degree and be successful educationally. Did that provide any other struggles for you?
Speaker 2:The well 13 was such a great age for me. So much happened when I was 13. It was great. I first got diagnosed with depression when I was 13.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 2:Could even get through the puberty before I was already having mental problems.
Speaker 1:So sarcasm all right, it wasn't clear at first. I thought you were genuinely saying it was great.
Speaker 2:Okay, go on yeah it was fun I got. So I got diagnosed with depression when I was 13. I had a lot of stuff happen with depression when I was 13. I had a lot of stuff happen to me when I was in middle school, especially around eighth grade. My grandmother had gotten diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's and it was just a very quick, suddenly overnight thing or just happened casually throughout the day. Once she got diagnosed with that, my grades started slipping. I was hanging around a lot of not good people at school. What does that?
Speaker 1:mean, define that, define what is not good people.
Speaker 2:People that cursed all the time, that were probably having sex and probably trying to get conceived at 13. People that were probably doing drugs, that did not really pay attention to school or did not care about school at that time, just got in trouble with teachers. It was just that that kind of crowd I was around.
Speaker 2:I was hanging around them and those which. I never did drugs or anything at that age, but some of the bad behavior kind of rubbed off on me. I started cursing a little bit more at that time, more it was more guilted into doing it and they would make me say it and be like, oh, he said a bad word. And they made me say a bad word and he was like, oh, he said a bad word and it was so. It started with that and then I had a really bad porn addiction at that time. This was really my brain was really getting damaged.
Speaker 1:At 13?.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that is damaging. So, on top of grades failing, depression building up or, like my sadness coming in, and the porn addiction, my brain was just getting very much fried. And then my mom noticed something was off with me. And I look back at it and I'm like I don't see how people did not know something was wrong with me that Christmas. That year most kids in 2015 would probably would want an Xbox, a new iPhone, probably some clothes or anything. What I wanted that year was a typewriter and one of the circular phones Dial-up phone. Don't ask me why that's what I wanted for some reason. And even when I got it, I was not happy and my mom was secretly taking notes at the time about she was noticing stuff was happening, like I wasn't grateful for anything.
Speaker 2:My behavior was changing and so one day I was watching something naughty during the day Smart, I was smart during that time and she called me and just for two hours I let everything out what was happening at school, I was saying, what was happening with family at home. I told her everything for two hours, did not stop talking, she did not put any two cents in. She just let me talk and let it all out and she said okay, here's what we'll do. We We'll go to the doctor. She said I think you have depression Cause.
Speaker 2:At that point she told me she suffered from it as well. She suffers from depression as well as me. And she said I know what it looks like. I'm going to take you to the doctor.
Speaker 2:And we had been to therapists and psychiatrists before because of my behavior and they didn't really do jack shit. They it was just a mind thing. I didn't gain anything from it. It was a waste of time, waste of money. And so I went to my family doctor and he did some tests on me and I told him everything and he brought my mom and I both back in and said he's got depression. It's evident and clear from what he's told me, from just the physical signs of what he's dealing with, and I was also dealing with bullying during that time. So he said all these factors, he's saying I'm surprised that he's sitting here right now. And so my doctor said okay, here's what we'll do, we'll put you on some very high induced medication and we'll go from there. And so all throughout high school, the depression I got diagnosed with, it's called clinical depression and what it is.
Speaker 2:It comes and goes in waves you can't predict when it comes. It can come and stays for an unparticular amount of time. You can't avoid it, it just happens. So I could get, for an example, could get depressed for two weeks and be depressed free for nine months, and then I could get depression again for two days and be happy for two years, and then it could come back and I'll be depressed for five years. You just never know.
Speaker 1:That's a good explanation. That runs in my family too. I used to have it, probably up until about 10 years ago. I would say was the last time I was really depressed. But that's a great explanation. Did you ever consider suicide as a teenager? Did you have suicide ideations?
Speaker 2:No, I did, but I wouldn't know and I always tell people because people think I actually probably wouldn't have done it. I had thoughts. I never did attempts because I was too pussy to do it. I just couldn't have the balls to do it. I did think about hanging pills. I did think about pills Cutting. That would have been really hard for me to hide. I was trying to think so cutting never really. And I never tempted myself of holding something and was poking.
Speaker 1:I never did that I knew someone that used to cut the inside of her upper thigh, so she hit it pretty well.
Speaker 2:I don't think her parents ever knew she was a cutter so I never attempted it, because I always thought oh, you can just do it on your arm because I was new to all this so I did especially have those thoughts in mind, but I never really went into the action of doing it.
Speaker 1:But that's why I asked, because the first time I ever had thoughts of suicide wasn't until I was 17, but I was out on my own, I was in the military, I was a quote unquote adult, and then I've met people since then that have thought of suicide since as early as seven Someone I talked to before which was mind blowing to me because I didn't really think that kids that young thought about taking their lives.
Speaker 1:But I guess it's a much bigger problem than I've ever been aware of until I started podcasting, and so I'm trying to bring more awareness to that so parents can try to see the signs that depression may not just be depression yeah, yeah, that's a symptom but they might be really thinking about taking their lives.
Speaker 1:And it would be tragic for any parent if their child, teenager, younger, whatever, any age, but even worse when they're under your care and then you feel like you didn't recognize that this was going to happen and it would just you would just blame yourself forever. So I'm trying to bring more awareness along with originally it was just people that are attempting suicide, especially veterans, so many veterans, 22 veterans that commit suicide a day, and that was one of the things I really wanted to talk about, but then I've been learning about kids, so I've been wanting to bring that out too, so that was the reason I asked that question. Another question I have for you is I'm sure you're aware that you have a higher pitched voice. Right, I have a much lower voice. You have a higher pitch voice, and usually a higher pitch voice is associated with being gay, so did you have any confusion when you were a teenager about your sexuality or anything like?
Speaker 2:that everyone at school didn't help with anything. I think puberty skipped me in that department. It didn't skip anything else. It definitely gave me the hair, but it did not deepen my voice at all. Yeah, the kids I went to school with were just assholes to me. They would make fun of how I walked. I thought how am I supposed to walk down the damn hallway? I'm walking normally, and they're like you're walking a little too femininely. I'm like what the fuck does it matter? I'm just like I'm walking down the hallway, the same as you are. And so I always was called gay when I was in middle school and it drove me off the wall because I didn't know what it was. What was funny to them was I didn't know what it was until high school. What it was, and probably even funny to them, was that I didn't know what it was until high school what it was, and probably even eighth grade.
Speaker 2:So when they were really all calling me that, I had no idea what that was.
Speaker 1:I was like okay, what does that mean?
Speaker 2:I don't know what that means In actuality, what they were saying really was not offending me at all, because I didn't know what it was. It's funny you say that.
Speaker 1:It was a waste of breath for them. My, my wife is. She's half black and she's from brazil. The n-word is a awful toxic word here in america, but if you call her the n-word it means absolutely nothing to her, like it has no effect on her whatsoever. So it's funny that you say that about being called gay, because that's what it made me think of.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the N-word here. It's like which people here? You could just say Roll Tide and then people here going all in a tizzy. There there's like World War III happening.
Speaker 1:I'm like y'all it's tough. Yeah, you're in Alabama. It's a whole different world down there for Alabama football, All right. So you're a hundred percent sure you're heterosexual. You like women. Just your voice didn't drop. You didn't get a deeper voice, you just were, I don't know, biologically blessed or however whatever term you want to call it with a higher pitch voice. Fair to say.
Speaker 2:It's frustrating when you're talking on the phone, like just the other day or like yesterday I had called someone about probably a job opportunity and they called me ma'am. On the phone I thought, oh, I have not been called like that in years. I said I thought I've not been called that in years, since high school it's pretty clear that you know you're a man.
Speaker 1:Right, you can, at least to me. In your voice you can tell you're a man. I listened to your podcast clips of it before I ever met you and it was clear you had a manly voice, but you had a higher pitch manly voice. So just maybe they, maybe they thought you were someone who identified as a woman and they didn't want to offend you. Who knows the world? Is so confusing with all the pronouns and everything. Now who knows what to call anyone anymore.
Speaker 2:To me. I feel like my voice is deep in person. So I always tell people I said my voice is deep in person, so I'm. I always tell people I said my voice is deeper in person because it probably sounds like this over the microphone like it's so annoying, it drives me up the wall. That's what I hated hearing my voice when I was younger. If we had to do, if we had to do like presentations, I was like, ooh, get out, like step out of the room, can I?
Speaker 1:don't like hearing my my own voice when I listened to podcasts, I go oh, that's what I sound like, because it sounds different to me in my head. What I hear is different than what I hear when it plays back. So I totally get that. Actually, I don't really know anyone that I can think of who's thought. Oh, when I've heard my own voice back, I thought it was great. Everyone thinks it sounds weird.
Speaker 2:I haven't witnessed anyone say that either. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So that's definitely something different. It's that people, for whatever reason, typically make fun of people they don't understand and aren't the way they are. Right happens with cultures, it happens with race, it happens within race, when you know, some people are jocks, some people are band geeks, some people are whatever term you want to use, right, everyone has their own click and so they make fun of everyone else that doesn't fit in their category. So I wouldn't make you know. I know you were younger and you're just trying to have friends and fit in, so it's harder when you're younger. But as you get older you realize that's all stupid, right, it's just people being ignorant and dumb, and and I'm not afraid to say that because I never belonged to any group when I was growing up so yeah, they didn't allow me in.
Speaker 1:It wasn't even about being allowed I didn't want to identify with. I played sports and I could have identified as a jock, if you will, but I didn't want to be a part of that group and I just wanted to get along with everyone, no matter what clique or group they were in, and for some reason that was really important to me. I don't know why, but it's served me pretty well in life having that personality, because I literally can talk to anyone. Like, my wife is amazed when we go out and there's someone in line or whatever happens. She's. You can just talk to anyone and it's so natural for you and she's so jealous how I can do that. So it has served me well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a hundred percent agree. For some reason, my high school was very much the stereotypes. We had the football players, we had the band people, we had the smarty pants, we had the people that really didn't really care about school and cheerleaders, clubs and all this stuff, and I didn't really fit in with any of them because basically no one wanted to hang out with me. I did have my own circle, but even they didn't really hang out. I just really honestly fucked with myself. That was I just basically fucked with myself. Okay, honestly that was honest.
Speaker 2:I look back at it, I'm like I was really out there on my own. I really was just in my own league. I stayed to myself and a lot of people have said that you did work quiet and I thought y'all didn't talk to me. Of course I was quiet.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So how did college go for you? Where'd you go to college?
Speaker 2:First off, I went to. I started at Gaston State, which was a small community college that was about 15 minutes from my house, which they had multiple campuses, but the campus I went to all the time was in what? 15 minutes away? And I did go out of COVID. I did start college out with my anxiety. That's how I did start college college out with my anxiety. That's how I did start college. I got diagnosed with anxiety beginning of 2020.
Speaker 2:And it was a very scary diagnosis that I got diagnosed with. I was still a senior in high school and we had just come back from Christmas break and I noticed that there was just a change and I thought my depression's coming up because my grandmother died when I just turned 15. So she died when I was a freshman. So usually in January around that time was when my depression would come back. So it was normal, I was prepared for it. And then, about mid-February, there was something about just changed.
Speaker 2:One night, I remember, I went to bed about 1030. I always went to bed at 1030, got up at seven and the middle of the night usually around one or two am I would just wake up and my stomach would really start hurting and I thought, oh, and it felt like a sick, and so I would have to get up and rush to the bathroom and I would actually get sick. I thought, oh, I'm sick with a bug. I thought, oh, this is great. This happened in the mornings too.
Speaker 2:I remember one morning woke up, was getting ready for school and had that same feeling and I thought this is weird, this is weird. And this went off and on for a few weeks and we went to the doctor and I tell him something's just not right. Right, I'm waking up nervous for some reason every morning, and I would get nervous before, but usually my anxiety attack or like nerves would not get to the point of me getting sick, and so I told her. I said something's just off, something's wrong, and she said do you think it's depression? And I said I've never had depression symptoms like this before. I said this is, this is something different. She said do you want to go to the doctor? And I said I don't think it would hurt. So we went to the doctor and he ran some tests and the worst thing that you could hear from him is I don't know what's wrong with you.
Speaker 2:That was the worst thing to hear from a doctor is that when you go and they can't even figure out what's wrong with you.
Speaker 2:I've heard that a lot, spent a lot of time at doctors and I've gotten that result. And so this happened off and on for a month. I was in and out of school for a month because I just got so sick I couldn't leave the house. And so we, my mom and I, sat down. We're like what is wrong? And I said I'm doing well in school. And then we figured out that a history teacher I was having was really tough. And I said surely enough, that is not what's caused my anxiety. This is not causing all that. And so my doctor.
Speaker 2:We went back to the doctor and he said I think you have anxiety. I did some more research and studying it up and I went and looked at some of the symptoms you were having the sick to your stomach, the vomiting that you were doing, the shakiness that you would have. I think you have anxiety. And so he did a test on me. He said I want you to stay out of school this whole week. Stay out of school this following week, don't go get up and go, just sleep in and let's see if that's what's the cause of it. I said okay. So Monday rolled around, woke up, didn't get sick, went to bed, didn't get sick, and I said school's the reason. We said that's the reason. And I look back at it. I'm like I can most people get anxiety from maybe a traumatic ride they had gone on, maybe they experienced something that was just so damaging that anxiety is me. It was a class that was just so damaging that anxiety is me. It was a class.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean people get anxiety from work or school or family issues, and I remember what I wanted to bring up, that I couldn't remember and that is how you felt about therapy. And let me say I'm a huge believer in therapy. It just takes the right therapist. You have to find the right therapist for you. I've probably been to, I would say, close to a dozen therapists, some marriage counselors, but anyway I would say I really only found one and that was for my one-on-one therapy that I really thought was worth a damn and helped me out.
Speaker 1:Now, that's a very low percentage, right, that's a less than 10% shot of finding a good therapist. But if you have the ability to and you're in a bad place and you need that help to walk you through it and talk you through it, don't give up, keep looking. But if you go and you feel you don't have to go to that many sessions, you can go to a few sessions and you can see this person really isn't doing anything for me, versus when you go to the right one, you'll feel almost like boom, first therapy session. I like this person a lot. They're helpful. So don't give up on therapy if you find yourself in that place and you're only 23.
Speaker 1:You've dealt with a lot with everything that's happened in your life and you know you're not healed. It's not over. You're going to deal with this stuff for some time and so just don't be afraid to turn to therapy. That's my biggest point I want to make to you. I'm a life coach and I like to life coach people through life. But also there's a difference between life coaching and therapy. Therapists are for therapy. They're for healing people. They're for trauma. Life coaching is for helping people achieve their goals, achieve their dreams. So they're two very different things and I want to make that clear to you that therapy can help you. You just have to find the right one.
Speaker 2:Yes, I'm absolutely behind your back. I support therapy 100%. After I got my anxiety diagnosis, my doctor had said do you want to go to a therapist? And I said honestly, if it'll help, sure I'll go. And so we went to, and I went to this one therapist for one appointment only because this was during the height of COVID. This is right when COVID started, I was a COVID child, we had a COVID graduation, we had all that.
Speaker 2:So at this point everything was shut down. So we went to a therapist one time and she gave me good advice, but there was just something that didn't click and I didn't really go back and then I didn't do therapy again until end of 2021, beginning of 22. I didn't do therapy again until end of 2021, beginning of 22. I went to another therapist, which was a man, a male this time, and I had him for a few months before I came to Auburn and he was great. But we did go to virtual thing and virtual just wasn't the same as going in person and doing something in person, because I think in person it's harder to lie a little bit if you're okay, whereas on virtual meetings you can really lie and be like oh yeah, I'm having a great day when you're actually having a really bad day. So virtual therapy wasn't for me.
Speaker 2:Now I'm not saying that you can't try it. I'm 100% for any kind of therapy, whether it's in-person, virtual. My one thing for therapy is I wish it was free. That was one thing that I wish was free. It's just one thing you should get free in life is a therapist, because therapy can be so expensive and it's sad that the number one thing that you need the most is so expensive. But to people that are able to go to it and if you have insurance that covers your therapy visits, I highly recommend it. Tv doesn't do a really good job of portraying therapy and psychiatrist offices because on TV shows and movies who's all in the waiting room? People that usually have imaginary friends beside them, that have multi-personalities, that have all these kind of disorders that make them schizophrenic. It's not like that in actuality. I've been to so many offices where people are just sitting there, normal. It's like normal, everyday people that the movies and tv shows and don't do really well enough job depicting what an actual room is, because that's how I always thought it was.
Speaker 2:I thought oh, if I got to a psychiatrist, you're crazy, that's not necessarily true. Or if you go to a therapist, all you're gonna be around all these people that are gonna be so weird, they're gonna be like, make you feel uncomfortable, and a hundred, 100, it's not that at all. It's sad. That's how it. Those kinds of offices are portrayed on camera because off off camera it's 100, not like that all right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's. Those are good points. I think nobody should trust anything fictional tv or movies portray. Documentaries might be a little bit more realistic, but it is all sensationalism. It's all exaggeration. Right? They're trying to sell a product, they're trying to get you to watch a product, and they do that by over-exaggerating what it's like or whatever. The case is All right, so we're going to wrap this up here. I appreciate you coming on here, sharing your very unique story with us and being open and candid about everything you've had to go through in your life. What do you think you have learned to this point that you can share with listeners as Noah's advice?
Speaker 2:share with listeners as Noah's advice. My advice really to people that struggle with anything with a mental health disorder don't be afraid to talk about it, be more open about it. I was really shy about opening up and I was real hesitant about it, but once I was able to open up, it made me feel a lot better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so there you go. Life is full of ebbs and flows. It does go up and down, and just remember this too shall pass. So whatever bad situation you're in or going through, it will pass. Just keep making the right decisions, making the best choices, and don't give in to any of your demons or bad choices and think that's okay because you're in this situation. If you want to work your way out of that situation, you have to do the right things and make the right choices. No, I appreciate you for being here today and for everyone else that's listening, please go to BrandonHellcom and subscribe to my podcast. It's only 10 bucks a month and with that you get a couple episodes a month that only you can listen to for subscribers only and follow me on Instagram bh underscore. Life is crazy, noah. What's your Instagram?
Speaker 2:People can find me on Instagram and TikTok. It's LethalVenomPodcast, no special characters. This is all LethalVenomPodcast and as well. Just check the LethalVenomPodcast out wherever you get podcasts.
Speaker 1:Cool, and that's how you find Noah. And finally, for me, one last place to go is YouTube. I'm at BrandonHeld underscore LifeIsCrazy on YouTube and I hope you all have enjoyed this episode and enjoyed Noah's life story. And this has been Brandon Held LifeIsCrazy, and I'll talk to you next time.
