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Brandon Held - Life is Crazy
I Host 2 Podcasts. Life Is Crazy and The Buckeye Battle Cry Show. The Life Is Crazy podcast is designed to help with suicide prevention. That is the #1 goal! This is also a Podcast of perseverance, self-help, self-Improvement, becoming a better person, making it through struggles and not only surviving, but thriving! In this Podcast the first 25 episodes detail my life's downs and ups. A story that shows you can overcome poverty, abusive environments, drug and alcoholic environments, difficult bosses, being laid-off from work, losing your family, and being on the brink of suicide. Listen and find a place to share life stories and experiences. Allow everyone to learn from each other to reinforce our place in this world. To grow and be better people and help build a better more understanding society.
The early podcast episodes are a story of the journey of my life. The start from poor, drug and alcohol stricken life, to choices that lead to success. Discusses my own suicide ideations and attempt that I struggled with for most of my life. Being raised by essentially only my mother with good intentions, but didn't know how to teach me to be a man. About learning life's lessons and how to become a man on this journey and sharing those lessons and experiences with others whom hopefully can benefit from my successes and failures.
Hosting guests who have overcome suicide attempts/suicide ideations/trauma/hardships/difficult situations to fight through it, rise up, and live their best life. Real life stories to help others that are going through difficult times or stuck without a path forward, understand and learn there is a path forward.
The Buckeye Battle Cry Show is a weekly show about the greatest sport in the world, college football, and specializing in discussing the greatest team in the world, THE Ohio State Buckeyes,
Want to be a guest on Brandon Held - Life is Crazy? Send Brandon Held a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/brandonheld
Brandon Held - Life is Crazy
Episode 60: Why do we try to conform when being ourselves feels so much better? with Eric Gee
Developed by a team of Practitioners, men's health scientists, neuroscientists and peak performers. MNLY harnesses the power of blood analysis, machine learning, and AI to evaluate data from four essential components: Biological, Environmental, Nutritional, and Clinical analysis. By leveraging this advanced technology, we develop precise, evidence-based solutions that are tailored uniquely to each individual.
https://www.getmnly.com/
Eric G shares his journey from feeling out of place as an Asian American in the 1980s to becoming a life coach and author who helps people embrace their authentic selves rather than conforming to others' expectations. His insights on personality typing reveal why understanding our core values is crucial for building meaningful relationships and living a fulfilled life.
• Growing up Asian American in the 80s created feelings of not fully belonging
• College and adolescence brought pressure to conform to social expectations
• Working as a golf course starter provided unexpected wisdom from seniors' life stories
• Understanding personality types helps explain why some people value safety while others seek excitement
• Finding your "anchor" means identifying your authentic self before trying to change or adapt
• Relationships often fail when we try to change the very qualities that initially attracted us
• Sports illustrate how knowing your strengths helps you contribute effectively
• The most important advice: "No one gives a shit - you're not the main character in their story"
• Personality differences explain why some people fear change while others constantly seek it
• Eric's new book "The Power of Personality" explores understanding yourself and others better
Eric's Website: https://www.projectyoutopia.com/
If you found value in this episode, please consider subscribing to the podcast for just $10/month at brandonheld.com for additional episodes and to support our mission of helping people through their darkest moments.
Follow me on IG BH_LifeIsCrazy
Want to be a guest on Brandon Held - Life is Crazy? Send Brandon Held a message on PodMatch, here: https://www.podmatch.com/hostdetailpreview/brandonheld
Their supplements have been developed by a team of Practitioners, men's health scientists, neuroscientists and peak performers. MNLY harnesses the power of blood analysis, machine learning, and AI to evaluate data from four essential components: Biological, Environmental, Nutritional, and Clinical analysis. By leveraging this advanced technology, they develop precise, evidence-based solutions that are tailored uniquely to each individual.
https://www.getmnly.com/
Welcome. Welcome back to Brandon Held. Life is Crazy. Today I have a guest that I'm pretty excited to talk to. His name is Eric G and I just learned that because I actually thought it was G, but he's OG. He's Eric G and he is a life and writing coach and we're going to go through his life today and we're going to talk about where he started and the things that he's gone through to get to where he is today. So I'm going to bring him in now. How are you doing today, Eric?
Speaker 1:How's it going? Brandon, I'm doing great. I love that intro. I'm not really an OG, as I'll probably mention. I definitely wasn't feeling that in the 90s it wasn't all gangsta back then.
Speaker 2:You're an OG something. We'll figure out what that is. But yeah, thanks for coming on the show as we go through your life story here on. Life is Crazy and we like to get as personal and detailed as possible so people can understand exactly how your life has gone to this point as best as you can describe. But before we get that far, let's just start with a thousand foot overview. Tell the people a little bit about yourself.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm a writer and a life coach. I've been doing that for about 20 years. I just came out with a book about personality typing and trying to understand the people around you better. But, most importantly, obviously the most important person we need to understand is ourselves, and when I was younger, I had a lot of difficulty assimilating my true self with what everyone's expecting of me, and I think that process was difficult. But I'm so glad that I got out of it and I wanted to share that within the book that I wrote in terms of how to help people get away from trying to conform to what everyone else wants.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm a life coach too, and I think the reason a lot of us get into it is we went through something that we struggled with how to get through and once we got through it, we thought there's got to be more people that experience this, so we can be there to help them for that journey. I totally get what you're saying. So let's just start with the childhoods. What was your childhood like? Was it good, tumultuous? How was it?
Speaker 1:I had a pretty nice childhood to be honest, give or take. Being Asian American growing up in the 80s was okay, like it's had a pretty nice childhood to be honest, give or take. Being Asian American growing up in the 80s was okay, like it's probably a lot better now, but I did get the slanty eyes done to me a couple of times so I definitely felt different growing up in America and being Asian.
Speaker 1:But I can't speak Chinese right, so I'm just like okay like I'm getting it from both sides and that's not like a totally new story, but it definitely was part of my story, my family's pretty whitewashed, so it wasn't like I could hide in any way. I couldn't go into a hovel where everyone was speaking Chinese because that would have been difficult. So I think there was always a feeling like I didn't a hundred percent belong and yet I really wanted to belong, because I was into Transformers, I was into GI Joe, I was into watching it's a Small Wonder, like everything that any kid growing up in the 80s would experience in America. That was definitely part of my ages one through ten experience.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's relative and not something I had to experience. I grew up in a small town in Ohio and 99% of us were white. It was just a small town. We didn't have a lot of diversity and I have mixed feelings about it. I didn't get made fun of for't something I learned until I got older and in the military. But I came into it with an open mind and fresh view, like I didn't have any preconceptions about anyone or anything like that. All right, one through 10, pretty good, not feeling like you're, you know, a part of the crowd, if you will, even though you want to be and we all want to be when we're young, especially right, that's we want to. We want to fit in and get along with everyone as best as we can most of us anyway. So yeah, so take it from there. What happened after about 10?
Speaker 1:Well, like everyone else, hit adolescence and that's when it really hit the fan, so to speak, in terms of you're really getting a lot of influences, in terms of, oh, like you got to grow up or you're supposed to grow up and feel a certain way. You got to go to dances, ask girls out and all that kind of thing, and I was never like not popular, like I always stood out because I talk a lot, so in class I'm always cracking jokes and so it was a weird feeling of going, oh, like people like me and everyone knows me and and yet not necessarily totally fitting into what everyone wanted. Like I was like, oh, not that I wasn't scared of girls, I actually talked quite a bit but I was like, oh, this dating thing and this dance thing, I don't really like dancing and I don't like some of this feeling of like formality, almost where it's. Oh, we gotta go through this.
Speaker 1:I'm like do we have to go through this, and I think there was a lot of conflict there where I was feeling crappy about myself because I was like, oh, there's got to be something wrong with me if I don't want to do some of the things that I'm being told I should do.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you grew up in LA, right, your area that you grew up in. Were there other Asians, were there Asian women. What was that like?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I grew up in a very Asian Latino area because I'm from East Los Angeles, so that's I say my school was like 50-50. In fact, we didn't really have many white people or black people in our school. It was probably, like I'd say, 99% either Asian or Latino. For me it was like okay, like it's us and them. But in terms of like working and interacting with different races and ethnicities, I got a lot of that just because, since my parents were working and their friends were all different, pretty diverse, like I got a mixed bag. So in a weird way, like it wasn't really. When I got older, like junior high school, I wasn't feeling left out necessarily because of that, unless I was put in a situation where, like I was, like in junior life guard camp, I was out in San Dimas I don't know if anyone's familiar with San Dimas, but it's like where Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure took place.
Speaker 2:I don't know the name, but I know Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.
Speaker 1:San Dimas, california, it's like probably 99% white. I went to the junior lifeguard camp with my cousin my cousin is white, passing because he's half, and so no one believes that we're cousins. We're like, oh, we're cousins Really. Are you sure? Are you lying? And that's when I definitely felt it, where everyone was like, oh okay, everyone. It's not that everyone looked different, I'm always good with that, but I definitely was treated differently. And it was a weird feeling where, like, wow, I know there's a positive, good instinct for people to want to relate to other people, but when you're really insecure, like I was, there's the instinct that I or at least I saw it to separate people and want to categorize people. And I even saw it with the one white kid who had dark hair. We became friends because we were the ones who were pushed to the side and I was like, oh, okay, like they're even pushing him in just because he's Italian. That's interesting. I've never felt that. I was like, oh, this is really, yeah, different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there are different reasons that people shun other people or don't feel like they belong with them. Let's, were you short? Were you a shorter guy? Are you average height like no? Is that part of the story?
Speaker 1:I was actually that age I was. I've always played a lot of sports, so I was pretty athletic. Okay, I wasn't tall. I was probably like I'd say about I'm still probably about average height, but the funny thing was it was very different culturally. I played. I was probably like I'd say about I'm still probably about average height, but the funny thing was it was very different culturally. I played. I was from. I want to say that East LA is not the inner city per se, but it's definitely a little bit more urban than San Dimas. So the sports I was playing I was playing like football, basketball and then at junior lifeguard camp all those kids were playing hockey and water polo and swimming. So in a weird way, like I was actually felt, I had a bit of a chip on my shoulder because we're doing a lot of swimming and I was not a bad swimmer, but I was definitely behind them because they were doing it so much. So there was a lot of yeah, big chip on my shoulders. Once we get out of water, let's do a race.
Speaker 2:Like when we're on our feet, then I'll do.
Speaker 1:okay, let's start running and then let's put people on a basketball court and I can show my stuff. But once again, that was just one small moment, but it always reminds me that you do have to stand up for yourself, even when you're feeling really crappy and not feeling the best.
Speaker 2:Your childhood is definitely impactful. Right, you grow up, you grow out of that. I left my hometown when I was 17. And so I literally put it in my rear view mirror. I didn't really know anyone or keep up with anyone or anything like that. But then I went back for a reunion and it's like, when I went back and I saw all these people that I hadn't seen in years and years, it was like this. I got hit with this flood of. I felt the exact same way about these people and how they may have grown and changed and whatever, but all I had was that high school memory and childhood memory of what they were like and how they made me feel in childhood. So I think that's something that sticks with us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, it's one of those feelings where we're always it triggers us and it pulls us back to that time where everybody feels insecure, and I definitely felt insecure and that's not a good feeling. As adults, I think we have that luxury to avoid that, and yet there are moments when, like you said, it gets triggered and we're like we go right back to how we were, as like a 15, 14 year old kid just trying to make it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I will say this. I'm going to. I'm going to brag a little bit, because this brings up something that I've never talked about on any of my podcasts. When I grew up in high school, I was a pretty average dude. I did play some sports and I got along with everybody, but I wasn't in a clique. I didn't belong to any specific group, so girls in my grade my age weren't really interested in me, so I typically dated girls a year or two younger. But then I went to a high school reunion and obviously everything was different after that and I got voted best looking.
Speaker 1:so I was, oh nice, yeah, because you don't want to be that person who no offense to people. When you go to the, you see them. You're like dang, what happened? Yeah, yeah, did you have a tough life after high school.
Speaker 2:We, we did have some of those, for sure, but it just was validating. For whatever reason, I obviously didn't care what these women I went to high school with thought about me anymore, but at the same time, when they voted me best looking, it felt good because they weren't interested in me in high school. So that was nice.
Speaker 1:And now, what's the Mike Jones song back then? Now you're like I think that's true, we think we put so much stock, which is not wrong because we're young, but we put so much stock in how we feel in high school and then we realized it gets better, like lots of things happen in 20 years and it's so typical. And then you see the people who were popular maybe not doing so well, which I'm not happy about, but I just like the idea that life is long and we can.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of time to make ourselves happy for sure, and let's be honest for some people, high school is where they peaked. That was the best part of their life, and how sad is that. Who would want that to be true?
Speaker 1:I wouldn't want that to be true yeah, you're playing football the pul, the Polk High Panthers and Hal Bundy scoring four touchdowns.
Speaker 2:And now you're a shoe salesman Nothing wrong with being a shoe salesman. Brought out the married with children. Yeah, I love it, love it, yeah, so all right. So you have this high school experience and childhood experience that's shaping you, that you don't exactly fit in or belong. Not that you don't exactly fit in or belong, not that you're a misfit per se, but you're also not like everyone else. So how does that shape you getting out of high school? Where does that lead you to?
Speaker 1:I ended up going to college like a lot of people, and there you're, away from your parents. I was never someone who was like sheltered. I could do my own thing. My parents gave me a lot of freedom, so that was never an issue. It was more just like finding myself right. I need to go to high school prom.
Speaker 1:And it was weird because I got asked by someone which is a weird thing to get asked by a girl to go and so people are like what's wrong with you? Like why'd you say no? And I'm like I just I don't know, I just don't want to go. Like is that wrong to not want to go? And so I spent a lot of time in college trying to figure it out what is going on here, and I started studying about personality types. I mentioned I wrote a book on personality types.
Speaker 1:That's when I really started reading and studying about that and really getting into that, because what I realized is that we all have different values. It's not just the superficial things that are different. And I started finding that out about myself, where not wanting to, let's say, go to prom and do a lot of the formal things like go to bar parties in college I realized that's okay, because it's not like I don't like people. I had a very large group of friends that I could interact with, but it's like trying to figure out what can I get out of my experience. That is true to myself, because even if you do the things that everyone tells you to do and you seem happy, you're never going to be truly happy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if it's not your thing for sure. So one thing about me is I was in two branches of the military and in my undergraduate I lived the quote unquote college life. I got to go to school and be a part of everything that involves. My best friends were all in fraternities and all that stuff and I've never drank a drop of alcohol, smoked, done any drugs in my entire life. But I did still go to parties because that's what my friends were doing and, just like them, I was competitive over trying to meet hot girls and all that stuff. So that was a part of my college experience and my friends loved me because I didn't drink. So I was always a designated drinker.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's the best friend. Yeah, so they loved me. For that reason, they didn't try to pressure me to drink.
Speaker 2:In the military, some of my friends tried to pressure me to drink. In the military, Some of my friends tried to pressure me to drink, but in college they were like, hey, great, full time driver, yeah, no problem, I'll drive. So we used to always go out and do stuff like that. So my point was is even though I didn't exactly do what they did, I still enjoyed the things that they did. So that was different for you. You weren't, you didn't find yourself much of a social creature or partier type, right?
Speaker 1:You know, I was a social creature, but not necessarily I would go to a party because I felt, wow, I got to go to this party, Otherwise I'm not going to have these friends for much longer. Like, I had a, like, a what is that?
Speaker 1:Not a ratio, but like a quota of okay, at least I got to go to one out of every three times or four times I'm invited and then I'll go and then I'm like, okay, like I can, just it wasn't like one of those feel even more insecure because wait a minute, why isn't it my thing? Is there something wrong with me not liking that? But yeah, I definitely wasn't shy and I did do a lot of social things. I intended to have very specific things that I wanted to do and back then I really wanted to be a writer and I was really all into that and discovering myself there and I realized that did make me happy really all into that and discovering myself there and I realized that did make me happy.
Speaker 1:Like we go to Vegas. We would, as college kids, we go to Vegas and stay in the circus circus RV park because when you're in college you have no money. But we did have a friend whose family owned an RV. So we're like, wow, we could all go in an RV, seven of us, and go to the pay $35 a night, so it's like $5 a person to stay in the rv park and then we can save our money.
Speaker 1:And it was funny because they all wanted to go to clubs and stuff and I was like I don't even dance and is that fun? It's so loud. But it wasn't like I didn't want to go out because I'm a bit of a gambler. So I was like, oh, I want to go like to the casino and play some no limit hold'em and stuff and it was like, funny that you can everyone. I found that I can. It's okay to have the fun that I want to have. I can still keep my friends as long as they understand that this is the way I am. And yeah, that's what I'm trying to teach everyone now is just especially for yourself.
Speaker 2:Right, there's nothing wrong with you if you want to do things that are different no, it's funny what you have to go through sometimes to learn the lesson what a true friend is, and I learned that lesson the hard way too. I had when I was younger. I had friends that I would have called best friend at the time. We did a bunch of stuff together, we hung out all the time. But then the tiniest incident I don't want to say tiniest, but something that you think wouldn't cost you a friend I got a divorce and I lost two friends in my divorce too, for a reason I don't even understand. I don't understand why they quit being my friend because I divorced my wife. I don't know, unless they were just into her.
Speaker 1:And then we just wanted to hang out with her actually.
Speaker 2:And then I did lose friends that tried to hook up with my girlfriend, or maybe my wife or whoever I was with at the time, behind my back. Yeah, so I have definitely lost good, what I thought were good friends, for questionable, shady reasons. So that's how there's a sometimes just a hard way to learn what true friends are.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and at the end of the day, it's also a cool lesson, right? Because I find that with myself, right, friends are great and I love my friends, but at the end of the day, you got to learn to be happiest with yourself. If you're not happy being by yourself, then you're going to have difficulty in life because your friends aren't. You're not the main character. At least, I feel like that was a big help for me when I was younger, even though I, of course, I didn't listen to it, because who listens to their dad? But I remember when I was younger my dad would just be like, at the end of the day, no one gives a shit.
Speaker 1:So stop thinking about what everyone wants, as I'm like trying to like wear saggy pants, jeans and sag my jeans and wear sizes too two or 10 sizes too big, like with baggy clothes, thinking I'm like some gangster when I'm wearing my starter's jacket and he's just like, no one cares at the end of the day because you're not the main character in their story. You are the main character in your story, so you should care about what you want and what you think. And of course, I didn't listen to it until I didn't realize, until much later, probably until a couple of years after college, where I was like, okay, I think I'm going to have to like, figure this, don't listen to me either. They think they know it all.
Speaker 2:I'm just a dumb old man that has an MBA and has been through two branches of the military, but what do I know?
Speaker 1:Whatever, yeah, but they read this. Influencer on TikTok. I was telling them this guy, he knows stuff. He's got 30,000 followers.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's an influencer, so he knows a lot more than you do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I will say I definitely remembered it, though. So I do think you know they will remember that you told them. Maybe they might not listen to it now, but 10 years, ideally earlier than that down the line they'd be like oh. My favorite quote is from Mark Twain, where he's just like his dad didn't know anything when he was 12.
Speaker 2:But by the time he was 18, it was surprising how much his dad had learned in six years, and I just love that. That's the thing I keep trying to tell my kids. Like, my son is about to be 18 in August. My other one is 15. He'll be turning 16 in a few months and I say you know, I know you think this is an exaggeration, but just think of the way you were when you were eight or six and then the way you are now at 16 and 18. I said that doesn't change, as you every 10 years, as you get older, you get. Hopefully, if you're doing the right things, you get smarter, you develop, your views change. You're just a different person than you were 10 years before, and that should keep happening in your life if you keep evolving. And so I do try to tell them that they're stubborn. What?
Speaker 1:can I say they're like no, this is me now and I'm always going to be like this. I'm always going to have the same friends and we're going to be friends forever, or they retort with some crap.
Speaker 2:This is the way I am now, so deal with it. So I'm trying to help you. But that was good advice that nobody cares because you're not the main character. I've never thought to word it that way, but that's right. The main character in everyone's story is themself. That just totally makes sense. So I've never put it in those words. That's pretty good advice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think, even like significant others, like the people that are you hold dearest to you, you're still not the main character in their story. Yeah, maybe the most, like the second most important character, or your parents. Parents are still parents. They got other stuff that they got to do aside from their children.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and that's sometimes. Children have a hard time reconciling that. They think that they should be the most important thing in your life, and they are when it comes to someone else, but I still have to take care of me first. If I can't take care of me, then I can't take care of anyone else, and that's true for anybody.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, a hundred percent. If you're not happy, then it's definitely going to show.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want to get to the personality traits thing. So let's get there. So you get through college, you graduate. What are your next steps?
Speaker 1:Well, graduating out of UCLA generally, the next step is not always becoming a starter to golf course, but that's what I did. I just fell into that. My uncle owned a golf course and one of the starters, morbid observation, died and they're like. They're like wow, we need someone. Do you want a job? And I'm like sure, that sounds fun. And so there I am. For three years I had that job making minimum wage, which is not.
Speaker 1:I have no problem that I'm not that's what I loved it, that's what I wanted to do, but I definitely got judgment for people. What do you like making minimum wage? We're gonna, golf course, when you have a ucla degree or whatever and like I was like oh, oh, it's valid though.
Speaker 1:So I'm like, oh, I don't know, it's fun, I get to play golf every morning. I talked to people that I never would have probably interacted with because they were. It was not a senior golf course, but it was definitely an area where there's a lot of seniors is a nine hole, so a lot of senior citizens played it, and in the morning, more senior citizens played it, so I would play before my shift. So that experience was really great because I got to hear all these stories and that really helped me and shaped me, because I could see, oh, everyone has their own arc and path and these people have lived their life. You know so when they're telling me something like, hey, not that I didn't enjoy my marriage, but really I enjoyed the first five years of it and then it went downhill and I'm always like I'm not saying you shouldn't get married, but it's not your.
Speaker 1:It should not be your first priority. Your first priority is taking care of yourself, because I wish I had done that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Or you can just be like me and get married four times and you know what Like you got to try different flavors of ice cream before you figure out which one you like.
Speaker 2:It's funny you say that because my first wife was white from the South and I'm from Ohio. I wasn't used to that culture or lifestyle, so that was unique and different. And then my second wife, which was very short, she was also from Ohio because we were in Ohio together. Then my third wife it was half Filipina and she was an army brat and we had two kids together and that was an experience. And now my fourth wife is Brazilian and she's half black and it's also a different culture and experience. So at least I went different every time.
Speaker 1:You weren't getting strawberry ice cream every time. Because you got those people who take that do the taste test. They go into salt and straw or whatever, and then every flavor that they're tasting is pretty much the same.
Speaker 2:It's super similar.
Speaker 1:Yeah, can I have that again, yeah, and I feel like that was super helpful. Just listening to that, like what you just said, is super helpful, because I think we're so scared of the future and we just forget people have lived their lives and we can learn so much from it. I learned a lot from them because I was once again feeling maybe in my subconscious, I was feeling really insecure about just working on a golf course making a minimum wage after getting a college degree and I really learned that there's different ways our lives can go. And why argue with these guys who've lived it? And it's not like they're telling me to be like them, they're just saying this is how my life was. And it's almost like getting to see the story before, like you get to see where the story goes before you have to live through it and it helped me quite a bit.
Speaker 2:Oh, yeah, for sure. And I think people, younger people that are wise enough to take advice of older people, they really grow and learn from that and it does shape their life. I've told the story in the past when I was 18 or 19 and I was in the Air Force, I volunteered at an old folks home because, honestly, because it was going to help me make rank and do better in the Air Force. Once you're doing it, you're into it, you're doing it right. And so I just thought how am I going to relate with these elderly people? How am I going to make this worthwhile? And so I came up with how am I going to relate with these elderly people? How am I going to make this worthwhile?
Speaker 2:And so I came up with questions and I decided to ask them for conversational purposes and talk to them. And one of the questions that stood out to me that I kept asking was what is your biggest takeaway from life? What would be your biggest advice to me in life? And almost every single one of them and this was we're talking separated, separate rooms, not together. They would all say look, I don't regret the things that I did in life, I regret the things that I didn't do in life.
Speaker 2:I regret the things I had an opportunity to do, but I didn't take those opportunities and I didn't do them, and that just has always stuck with me since I was young.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that. The fear is what gets us sometimes, where we become our own worst enemy because we get so scared. We're like oh, I shouldn't do it maybe, and then that window closes and then we can't do it. The opportunity disappears, essentially.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and don't get it wrong, don't get it twisted Three divorces sucks, getting divorced sucks. I had to start over every time. To me it was still. I'm not much of a material person, so it was worth starting over to me to live a better life and be happier. So the experiences were great and I learned a lot and it's definitely made me a better husband, for now, someone I feel like deserves more than anyone else to have the best husband she can have, because she's an amazing person. She's not like anyone else I was married to before. So those marriages did serve me and I do have sons but also I became a better man from them. I learned how to be a better husband.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I work with so many kids and I think they're so ingrained with this linear path, with this linear path approach and, in fairness, like the parents, their parents complain that they do that. But then I'm like, yeah, but you're the ones who are getting them do it so cause, and they're so afraid to go off that path and fail. They're afraid to like and they're afraid to fail, so thus they don't take chances. And when you don't take chances, then it's really hard to actually be happy.
Speaker 1:You just let life take you where it takes you and then then they become 40. And they're just like I don't know. My life sucks. I wish it had turned out differently and you did have choices that you could have made. It wasn't like bad luck. And now I'm saying all these things and it took me a long time to learn that it's not like I knew that if I'd known that at 20 or 21, then I definitely I would have been, I feel, more successful earlier. And yet no, I I took the long path, which is okay. I enjoyed it as well, just like you said.
Speaker 2:But the key is you did learn it. That's the key you grow. I have met people in life who are just what you talk about. They stay in the same small town, they don't go anywhere, they don't grow in any way. They like. I talked to them in my fifties and they're like the same person I went to high school with. They haven't evolved, they haven't grown, they're just not different and they're okay with that. They to them. They're comfortable in that zone. They don't ever want to leave that zone. They don't regret anything. Maybe they will in 20 years, when they're 70 or something, but for now they're fine with that and I don't get that. To me, life should be about constantly evolving and growing. So did you ever get married? Like, how did that work out for you?
Speaker 1:no, I did not. I guess I still can, I'm not yeah, it's not over, it's not over I lived with someone for six years, okay, so to me that was like a marriage yeah, you know like and that was like probably the longest relationship no, not probably, it is the longest relationship I've ever had and we just and this was someone I had known when I was 13 okay, it was like we weren't together. We were together much later not much later, but a little like later you reconnected again we reconnected, yeah, yeah, and I.
Speaker 1:but I have had relationships in the past and I found that just what you're saying, like it's worth it. I don't say to move on, but you don't want to say, oh, someone, I'm with this person. Am I happy? No, but no. But am I super unhappy? No, so I'll stick with the four. A four is good and it's like no, a four is not good. Life doesn't always have to feel like a 10. And sometimes life feels like a one sometimes, but it always feels. I'm of the belief, like you were mentioning, like you got to go for those opportunities. We have to live life aspirationally and the more hopeful we are, I think the happier we are. And so if you life is giving you, if your relationships are, for maybe you want to try something else for the both of you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I agree. I feel like, if you want to equate it to something, equated to a job, so say you have a job, I make 50k a year. Are you poor? No. Are you living a life that is as good as it can be? Also no. So you want to do the things that you need to do to go live a better life, and so, relationship wise, that means go find someone that's a better fit for you. Go find someone that's more right for you, because in my previous three marriages I didn't feel like I could be myself all the time.
Speaker 2:I felt like I had to be someone they wanted me to be at times and of course that's exhausting and you don't want to do that. So I found myself in depression and all these different things and I didn't exactly equate it to. I'm just not getting to be me. I'm trying to be someone else for some other people and, yeah, it took me a while to learn. I was in my mid forties when I met my wife and I knew that I had to be able to be me, no matter who I was with, and she had to love me and accept me for me.
Speaker 2:And that doesn't a lot of people say that but you gotta be a person of value. You gotta be a good person where there's not changes you need to make, like you can't be a cheater or someone that can't be relied on or whatever those things are. But I knew I was a good person. I just one of the things about me is I am comfortable by myself, so sometimes I like doing things alone. Other things are I am not afraid to step up and speak when other people would keep their mouth shut, and that used to embarrass some of my exes, so I would keep my mouth shut and refrain myself for their sake. And that's not who I am. I'm not that kind of person. So it's just things like that, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I'm on agreement that you always need to try to. You need to be yourself. Does that mean that you always have to be the most extreme with yourself all the time? No, relationships are about compromise. But if you're like, you're noticing oh, I'm not doing these things, you're saying these things because I know it'll offend them or embarrass them. That's clearly not a good thing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, all right, so let's get into the personality traits. I mean, you're the expert here, so just what can you tell us about different personality traits that you've learned and you've found to be really helpful? Knowledge in life.
Speaker 1:Well, just what we were talking about just now, clearly like what you just said about. Look, I would not want to do that and stay in Ohio and be comfortable doing the same mold every day and eating vanilla ice cream or whatever all that which I love vanilla ice cream by the way, but I don't eat it all the time, yeah.
Speaker 1:At least put some syrup in there. And but that makes sense because in personality typing there's about half the population that value safety and security as their core value, and so they're going to feel often that way Not always A lot of them. They live in a bubble and I always say that bubble can be really big or it can be small, yeah, but the only thing is, if you want that bubble to be bigger, you got to do it gradually. If you try to do it too quick, it's going to pop the bubble and they're like, oh my gosh, if they're just eating vanilla ice cream, you can't give them bacon, guacamole, tomato, tomato, strawberry ice cream right now. That sounds good to me, but that's not going to work for them. Maybe tier them up.
Speaker 1:So your personality seemed a lot different, like with the idea of trying different things. There are other personality types that value, like excitement, like visceral excitement get. They learn a lot by doing and they love feeling different ways and seeing different things and smelling different things. They might not always be the most responsible of people, but you can see how, like someone who values the first, like the first half of people, of the first half of the population, who value, safety and security might conflict with the people who want like, pure excitement, and I think knowing about personality really helps us to go. We don't have to listen to what everyone else is telling us. What we should value, you know if someone's saying you should get married you don't have to.
Speaker 2:It's funny that you're saying that, because I am someone who's not afraid to take risks. I value experiences, I value knowledge and growing and learning. I don't necessarily need like an adrenaline rush or whatever, but I would say when I was single I enjoyed the chase of a woman. Once I caught her it was maybe got a little boring after that, but I did enjoy the chase. So, but I was with the three women I was with before who valued safety and security.
Speaker 2:Some of my life decisions, like when I got out of the army or air force to go to college it freaked my first wife out. I was with my third wife when I got out of the army to just hey, let's see what happens, cause I got my MBA while I was in the army and I wanted to go make some quote unquote real money. Oh, I got out of the army and that freaked her out. She had been a military brat, she had known the army life her whole life from her father and then being with me and, yeah, they were all uncomfortable with choices and decisions I made yeah, and you know the funny thing that is a common coupling.
Speaker 1:You know that I call them the gather, I call the safety and security people gatherers and I call funny that you mentioned it, I call the visceral excitement people hunters. You need hunters and gatherathers right in a society and they are going to like, in their own way, bond, because at the end of the day, I do think we're attracted to differences. I mean, the problem, I think, is we're attracted to differences. I find this true myself. You're attracted to someone who's different and in the moment you're with them, then you try to change them, to be like you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, that's the part because I would. I guess I would classify my wife now as more of a safety and security person, but she also doesn't try to limit me to who I am or what I do. If I want to do something, she supports me. She's very encouraging. So that's where she's different, I think.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think that that is. The key is just, you got to accept those things and accept that's the reason why you love that person and don't change it. Because the moment you change it and they do like you were saying, act you're acting a different way because you don't want to embarrass them. Then they're gonna be less attracted to you because you've basically took away the thing that initially attracted them, and I'm super guilty of that as well. I love very bossy, strong, domineering women, very bossy, strong, domineering women. But then when we get together then I'm always just like chill out, calm down, let's relax. You gotta be a little more diplomatic in this situation. I'm always apologizing for them in situations. But then I'm like do I really want them to be diplomatic? Not really, because that's what I like, I can be the diplomat I have. No, I'll do that and it's taking a long time to realize that problem and it's's my problem.
Speaker 2:You are initially accepting them for who they are, which is not like you, and so asking them to change to fit your needs is not the right way to go. That's not the right person for you, and it's good that you recognize that. And you know that. It's funny because my best friend, who? Him, and I are about to start an Ohio State football podcast together, because we're huge Ohio State football fans and I just want to do a different. I'm going to keep this Life is Crazy podcast, of course, and it's going to still have the high quality, great content it already has.
Speaker 2:But I just want to do something with sports as well and bring sports into my life, because that was my initial dream.
Speaker 2:That was my initial going to college to get my bachelor's degree was to do play by play for sports.
Speaker 2:So life didn't work out that way, but I can do something this way. Anyway, the point I was getting to is we're very different, right, like sometimes I admire him because we used to work together in the same job and we things would happen at work and I would get so pissed off and so frustrated and I would want to vent and sometimes even lash out a little bit because of the injustice that I felt was happening. And he always stayed calm and he always stayed cool and he didn't lash out and he was very he was very thought out with his words and what he said and he didn't try to be controversial in any way, no matter what was going on inside. And so one day I was like man Blair I just, I really envy the way you can do that, the way you can just take stuff like that and you can stay in focus and stay on task and not say things that ruffle feathers or piss people off or whatever. And he looks at me and goes I'm jealous of the fact that you can do that.
Speaker 1:I like that you can stand up for yourself Sometimes. I wish I would do that more, yeah.
Speaker 2:It's funny. When we had that conversation it was like I was here admiring how he does it and he's here admiring how I do it, so it was funny.
Speaker 1:You mentioned sports and you play enough sports. You just get and I played a lot of sports growing up. I used to coach basketball and, yeah, I know that I'm not a particularly great rebounder. I don't have that kind of effort.
Speaker 2:I don't have. I'm lazy, I'm a lazy player, so yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm not going to get rebounds. The only rebounds I get are offensive rebounds because I think I might be able to score if I get those right. But I can provide other things, like I'm a great passer and I'm a great ball handler, I can set people up, I have no problem being unselfish, and so I think, and so though would I want to do?
Speaker 2:Played a lot of basketball, football, flag football, volleyball. I was on a traveling volleyball team oh wow, got to go. Yeah, when I was in the Air Force we got to go around and play in state tournaments and stuff and I was in the Air Force getting paid to go play volleyball, so it was pretty cool. So you're a professional athlete, I wasn't a pro, but I guess, if you look at it that way, that's what you used to say.
Speaker 1:I got paid to travel and play volleyball, yeah that's what's up, yeah. Arch Karai's got nothing on me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I always used to jokingly say my favorite sport to watch is football, my favorite sport to play is basketball. I was a shooting guard. I was a deadly three-point shooter man Deadly. I could step back six feet behind the NBA three-point line and nail it and then. But the sport I was best at was volleyball. I was freaking dominant on a volleyball course and I didn't even grow up playing volleyball.
Speaker 2:I had a coach recruit me one day from a basket. I was playing an intramural basketball game and yeah, and after the game she goes man, you are really athletic, have you at your tall? You're six foot one, you can jump. She said have you ever thought about playing volleyball? And I said I used to play around a little bit, mess around in the sand or whatever, but I've never really played. And she's please come try out for our team. So, but I've never really played. And she's please come try out for our team. So I tried out and I made it and of course, like anything, you get better over time and I was just really good at volleyball. It just came so naturally to me. But yeah, I just love sports is what I'm getting at.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I talk about sports forever and I actually I agree with you, even though I coached basketball, I love this. My favorite sport to play, play actually my favorite sport to watch is actually football as well just so many, I think. Just a sport where you can have a 5'9 man and a 6'6 man who's 350 pounds on the same field or field, yeah, and being the best at their position is just fascinating to me, which is and I never I played, because my high school didn't have a football team. I grew up like playing flag football and maybe just for fun, but yeah, I've never played in actual where people are blocking for you and I just find that fascinating, all the plays and strategy that go with that. And they're also unselfish. Football players are way more unselfish than the best players were. Divas, oh, we're always just give me the ball, just give me the ball yeah, I was one of those, for sure.
Speaker 2:I remember when I was at the peak of my game, I was averaging, like I don't know, somewhere around 29, 30 points a night plus whatever else. I get filed some layups, whatever. It doesn't matter. But the point is I was a ball hog, I was like, and my teammates were good with it because I was a shooter, so they were perfectly fine with letting me take the shots and I was perfectly fine with taking the shots, so it worked out.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I feel like with sports it's a lot like life. Right, life like your podcast, life is crazy and just like in a game, like a athletic, like feet, or in a match, it's gonna be like really crazy and you get all this stuff thrown at you and it's so important to know, just like in life, who you are and because that's gonna give you the most power. And, like you said, I'm a shooter. This is what I do. Am I going to try to post up and get down low and bang?
Speaker 1:probably not I'm gonna stand here and get my passes and I'm gonna shoot it and the cool thing is, like players will be okay, at least you, we know who you are, so we'll be able to predict what you do. We can't be like surprised when you shoot it, because clearly you're the shooter, so we can trust you to pass it. When we pass it out to you that you're going to take that shot, that's open, yeah, and I think yeah, I'll say this man, we're.
Speaker 2:we got to wrap this up here soon and this podcast has not gone at all the way I thought it would go, which is fine, because it's great it's. I've enjoyed the podcast with you and I've enjoyed talking about all this stuff with you. One time I got a steal at the top of the key that from the point guard of steel, at the top of the key, that from the point guard. I swiped the ball and I was running to the other end and my team was down by 10 and I was just frustrated and pissed off. So I took two steps past the half court line and I shot it right. Just what the fuck? Why not? And I remember these people around me on the side of the court were like what the hell is he doing? And then I swished it and it went in and they were like oh okay, nevermind.
Speaker 2:So it was just really funny, because I took this shot out of frustration and I nailed it and then everyone was like okay, okay, okay, all right, eric G, what is the final thought that you would like to leave everyone else with?
Speaker 1:It's got to be find your anchor first. That's the most important thing. And your anchor is who you are and what makes you happy, not what makes anyone else happy. What truly makes you happy. Might take a little work to get there and find that. And once you find your anchor, then feel free to borrow from other personality types that are different than you. But don't do that until you find your anchor first, because you don't want to be in danger of becoming trying to become other people. Um and go bruins, just gotta throw them in there, go no bruins.
Speaker 2:No, did you mention ohio state? There's no bruins on this show. Yes, buckeyes all day especially this year.
Speaker 1:I think we'll be okay this year. No, we play you this year. I know we got a new quarterback too, because then I don't like nil, but then we got him, I'm like oh I love it.
Speaker 2:Wait, you mean the kid?
Speaker 1:that ohio state beat 42 to 14 and he was a freshman playoffs. He's a freshman, he'll be fine and he had a great team.
Speaker 2:but anyway, outside of teams playing ohio state, I do root for big 10 when they're, so there are times that I would be rooting for UCLA when they're playing other teams, for sure I don't have any angst against them. Obviously, michigan is the only team I truly hate Understandable. Yeah, all right, great advice. And if people want your life coaching skills or your books, how can people get to that?
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, so my book is the Power of Personality and you can can find it anywhere you buy books. Amazon is probably the easiest place if you want to give Jeff Bezos your money, if you don't go to Barnes, noble or your local bookstores and you can order it from there. If you're interested in finding out life coaching, projectutopiacom and that's a utopia with a Y-O-U like YouTube and then you can find out a little bit more about me and if you're interested in learning about yourself and need some help, I can give you some help.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'll put your link in the chat of this podcast when it gets released. And for me, just remember, no matter what you're going through in life, no matter how low or dark life feels, this too shall pass. It's temporary Keep making the right choices and doing the right things and things will turn around, and that's what I need you to remember. Don't just live in the now, think long term and, as always, I appreciate you listening to my podcast. Please go to BrandonHellcom and click on subscribe to podcast to support the show and you will get some a couple of podcasts every month and that's retro. You can go backwards as well that are not released to everyone in the public, only subscribers. So go ahead and do that at Brandon heldcom and I've had a great time with Eric today and we appreciate you guys listening and I will talk to you next time.
